1 . You ’ re too quick to make sacrifices for your partner .
2 . You ’ re too lenient in letting things go .
1 . You ’ re too quick to make sacrifices for your partner .
Yes , sacrifice is inevitable in most relationships . And yes , it is honourable . But is it always necessary ? Research says not really . “ It ’ s certainly honourable to put aside one ’ s own self-interest because of your partner or your relationship ,” explains psychologist Francesca Righetti . “ However , our research shows that there is a difficult aftermath for both the giver and the recipient .”
According to Righetti ’ s research , this is what the aftermath often looks like :
• The giver experiences lower well-being , as sacrifices require them to willingly give up their preferences and goals . This makes sacrifice an exceptionally costly prosocial behaviour .
• The receiver is left with mixed feelings . On one hand , they feel grateful , loved , and accepted . But they also feel guilty and indebted .
While sacrifice has this effect on both partners in a relationship , women are more likely to experience lower well-being after sacrificing because sacrifices are often viewed as their duty instead of their choice . This means they may especially experience the costs of sacrifice , but few of the benefits .
To avoid the pain sacrifice can cause in a relationship , Righetti advises partners to follow these two steps :
1 Change what you focus on . If you focus on what you have lost after a sacrifice , you are more likely to experience lower personal well-being and relationship satisfaction . Try to look at the bright side of the sacrifice ( e . g ., how happy the partner is or what you / they can learn from this experience , or feeling proud of being a generous person ).
2 Reconsider the need to sacrifice . Sometimes sacrifices are necessary to maintain a relationship . However , there are times when they can be avoided through contingency plans and a bit of adjustment . For example , while moving countries to support a partner ’ s career change is valid , sacrificing your own weekend to accompany your partner to their parents ’ house when you don ’ t want to might be unnecessary .
2 . You ’ re too lenient in letting things go .