One father who had never shown interest in his daughter seemed determined to turn her from a studious and popular child into a delinquent outcast , dying her hair green and then — when the mother objected — shaving the girl ’ s head . The daughter was so upset that she begged her father to allow her to homeschool , and the father withdrew her from school without the mother ’ s permission . Counter-parenting also includes making phone calls and virtual visitation as tense as possible rather than facilitating harmony .
Abusers rarely give up their control at the end of a relationship or marriage . Instead , they may try to sow chaos in the lives of their ex-partners and continue to exercise coercive control in any way possible — often through issues related to the children ( Fontes , 2015 ). The courts and other institutions need to be on their guard against unwittingly serving as an arm that extends the abuser ’ s reach post-separation ( Saunders et al ., 2016 ).
Lisa Aronson Fontes , Ph . D . , is a senior lecturer at the University of
Massachusetts , Amherst , and the author of Invisible Chains : Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate
Relationship . Online : Lisa Aronson Fontes Ph . D . Professi