abuse :
Deciding how you should spend your time .
Abusers make their partners narrow their worlds . Once isolat- ed , it is easy to lose one ' s sense of self .
Doug *** insisted that Val watch him play video games rather than doing what she wanted . He demanded that he be the centre of her attention at all times . Gradually she accepted this as an obligation .
Corey ’ s husband only “ allowed ” her to socialise along with him , with other couples . He did not permit her to leave the house without him , even to shop for food .
Whenever TeyShawn tried speaking on the phone or see- ing friends or family , his boyfriend , Angelo , grew angry with him . After a while TeyShawn severely curtailed his
Social life ; It just wasn ’ t worth the hassle .
Micromanaging .
Abusers insist on controlling minute aspects of their partners ' lives . Over time , victims internalise the rules and forget what life was like when they were freer to make their own choices .
Herman drew up an extensive chores chart and insisted that Marta keep a detailed log of her activities .
Ken gave his partner , Steve , a list of expectations for his
diet , workout routine , and grooming , and implied that their relationship would be over if he did not comply .
Darnell expected Sara to dress modestly when outside the home but insisted that she dress sexily when they were alone together . He told her to stop speaking to the cat , reading magazines , or sleeping on her back . He chose her makeup , dictated her bedtime , and weighed her daily . He meticulously controlled the way their house was organised , down to how towels were folded and food stored on the shelves . To avoid explosive conflict , Sara followed Darnell ' s demands and began to see them as " normal ."