approach can go a long way toward
creating a happy home with less tension and is proven to teach the important skill of collaboration .
Kids do well if they can
Dr . Abalon maintains that “ kids do well if they can ,” in other words , when we provide the tools and skills , kids can do well . This idea is very different from the more traditional view that kids do well when they want to . All kids want to be good and want to be perceived as good , but some struggle more than others because they lack the problem solving skills they need to enable them to be “ good .”
Let kids generate their own solutions
The basic premise of the approach is to allow kids to generate their own solutions to problems experienced at home or in other settings . The adult will begin a conversation in a
non judgemental non accusatory way by stating something like , “ I ’ ve noticed that …… what ’ s up with that ?” It is then important to wait for a response without interrupting . It is also important to reassure the child or teen that they are “ not in trouble .” The adult would follow by stating the issue ( again – non accusatory , impartial ; just state the issue ), and then ask the child or teen how they feel , or what they think about the issue . Waiting patiently at this point is quite critical and it could take some time . It is also very important to use active listening to let the child or teen know that you are listening to their perspective attentively .
Once the adult has a very clear idea of the child or teen ’ s perspective , they can ask the child or teen if they have any suggestions to improve the situation . This could take some time too and any ideas generated by the child or teen should be listened to , appreciated and validated . The method has three parts called plan A , plan B and plan C , it is strengths based and has been scientifically proven to have actual neurological benefits . It is generally not used during a highly charged or explosive situation but proactively when the child or teen is more able to be receptive and involved in a collaborative discussion .
Although the method does take some practice to perfect , parents who learn to use this method effectively will be doing their children and teens a great service by teaching them how to problem solve without exploding or exhibiting other undesirable behaviour .