child determine the configuration of the conversation — doing whatever is most comfortable for them . It might even be best to have a trusted married sibling talk to the couple instead of parents if there ’ s not a comfortable history surrounding talking about sex . [ I ]
NO “ TEST DRIVE ” NEEDED
Along with the excitement surrounding the beginning of a sexual relationship , there ’ s bound to be some anxiety wrapped up in it . You might be able quell some of this anxiety by assuring your child that no “ test drive ” is needed in terms of sex . In fact ,
waiting until marriage to have sex can make for better sex and happier marriages . One reason waiting until marriage may be so important is that the couple deepens their emotional connections and develops a stronger friendship , before making that friendship a sexual relationship .[ ii ] Research shows over and over that the stability of a friendship within marriage helps couples overcome the changes in marriage that are inevitable — health issues , changes in jobs , aging , children , and conflict . If you first focus on sharing ideas , beliefs , friendship , and you learn to show restraint , then sharing your bodies with each other will be a natural outgrowth of a healthy , strong relationship . There are certain practicalities that you can help your child consider beforehand .
PRACTICALITIES
Your child can decide with their partner what to do about birth control well in advance of their wedding . Choosing not to use birth control is also a choice . All forms of birth control have pros and cons , and scheduling a physical exam with a healthcare professional is advisable . In this exam they can check for any abnormalities that may make sex painful and help alleviate any other concerns about the physical side of sexual intercourse .
Another practicality to consider is how exhausted the couple might be at the end of a long day that includes a wedding breakfast , wedding ceremony , and hours ’ long reception . Help your child think through the reality that the throes of exhaustion might not make for the best launchpad into the throes of passion . There are lots of ways to work around this , and as the old saying goes , “ The difference between an ordeal and an adventure is all in the planning .”
What else might be planned in advance to allow for a couple to more freely focus on beginning their sexual relationship together ? Could the reception be on a different day than the wedding ceremony itself ? Might the extravagant