state ’ s laws . Being granted an order of protection further bolsters the case .
8 . Consider Child Protective Services . If you have reason to believe your child has been abused or is at risk for abuse , contact Child Protective Services or the police . It is scary for a lot of people to invite CPS or the police into their lives . However , if you can demonstrate the ways in which the abuser puts the child at risk and the steps you are taking to protect that child , CPS may be able to work on your behalf and help you keep your child safe ( such as by removing the abuser from the home , helping you get independent housing , etc .). Reports from mandated reporters such as teachers , therapists , or paediatricians will be taken even more seriously by CPS than reports directly from you . If you ignore the risks your child faces , you may be charged with " failure to protect " or neglect .
9 . Build a team . You cannot protect your child alone . Ask your local domestic violence agency for referrals to a lawyer and to a therapist or counsellor who understands domestic abuse . Make sure you have friends who are on your side but do not confide in friends that you and the abuser share — this might be too risky .
10 . Try to let go of singular , romanticised notions about what “ family ” means . We have dreams about how our lives , relationships and families are going to be . Children can grow up happily in a variety of family situations , as long as they are loved and safe . You can have a beautiful and fulfilling family life even without the child ’ s other parent . You cannot have a beautiful , fulfilling , and safe family life at the side of someone who is abusive .
Lisa Aronson Fontes , Ph . D . , is a senior lecturer at the University of
Massachusetts , Amherst , and the author of Invisible Chains : Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate
Relationship . Online : Lisa Aronson Fontes Ph . D . Professi