• You ’ re out of touch with your needs
• You attract people who try to control or dominate you
• You have chronic fear about what others think of you
Why Do We Suffer From Poor Personal Boundaries ?
Before you blame yourself for having poor boundaries , stop for a moment . I want you to understand that it wasn ’ t your fault , but it is your responsibility to now develop strong boundaries . So take a moment to feel some compassion for yourself . As children , we had no control what our parents , teachers , and the adults around us taught us . Most people who possess absent or weak personal boundaries were set a bad example when young . Observing codependent dynamics within our families contributed a lot to this issue , as well as being taught that love = what we did , not who we were .
As a child , the first role models you had of “ acceptable ” behavior were your parents and family members . So pause to reflect here : what messages did your mother , father , siblings , or other adults send to you growing up ? Were you only given love when you pretended to be who your parents wanted you to be ? Were you only rewarded when you went out of the way to sacrifice your needs and desires in favor of someone else ’ s ? Were you punished for saying “ no ” or speaking up ? Did you feel obliged to emotionally “ take care ” of an adult , perhaps a parent ? These were all signs that you were taught that lacking personal boundaries equaled a “ good ” thing .
5 Myths About Personal Boundaries
If you struggle with setting clear boundaries , you might carry a number of mistaken beliefs that you were conditioned to believe . Here are some myths that I want you to become aware of :
• “ Having personal boundaries is selfish .” This is an unhealthy perception . Having personal boundaries is a form of self-respect and is part of possessing good self-esteem . All mentally and emotionally healthy people possess boundaries .