Healing and Hypnotherapy Volume 4, Issue - 3, 1 September 2019 | Page 33

worrying about the future or replaying memories and re-experiencing
the feelings of hurt, shame, blame, betrayals and guilt of the past. The
thing is that, all this was happening automatically. As much as I
wanted the negative thoughts to stop; sometimes even screaming out
loud “STOP”, which worked for a few minutes, but then the thoughts
always found their way back. I couldn’t see any escape from this mind
from “hell”.
The truth is that, wherever I went, I took my “messy” mind with me. I
became even more anxious, thinking I had to live the rest of my life
this way and there seemed to be no escape. I was imprisoned by my
own mind. I tried reading many books, on how to gain freedom from
the automatic negative thoughts and feelings, but it didn’t help much. I
got so many books that I had to order a bookshelf. I stood there,
looking at all the books I had, but nothing could bring me that peace
and joy I was looking for. I read in the books that deep breathing and
meditation helped calm the mind down, but try doing that when the
mind is overwhelm and racing.
I would go on shopping sprees just to get that dopamine release.
Shopping felt good but that good feeling didn’t last long either. I had to
get new cabinets to store all that shopping. Comfort food would help
sometimes, but then I would worry about my weight.
I developed migraine headaches and few times was rushed in an
ambulance to the hospital. The doctors prescribed pain killers and
antidepressant/antianxiety medications for me. That worked very well
initially, but soon I had to increase the dose of the antidepressants/
antianxiety medications. Every few months the doctor had to increase
the dose, to stop the anxious feelings from coming up.
Through the internet, I started looking for other healing modalities. I
learnt reiki and went for meditation classes; both were great healing