Healing and Hypnotherapy Volume 4 Issue- 10, 1 April 2020 | Page 15

The result of not being taught the value of self-love in childhood and adopting
the socially acceptable guise of being a martyr is depression, bitterness,
anxiety, resentment, and profoundly flimsy self-esteem.
However, even though you may not have been taught how to love yourself
growing up, the door of opportunity is still open to you.
But before we walk through that door, let’s explore one massive myth
associated with self-love (and perpetuated by the same society that taught
you to be an externally-focused martyr) …
Is Self-Love Selfish?
Every now and then you may hear explicitly stated or implied that self-love is
selfish. Perhaps you live in a family that condemns any form of self-care and
celebrates toxic self-sacrifice and martyrdom. Or maybe you work in an
environment where self-love is scoffed at or seen cynically.
Whatever the case, it’s important to nip this massive misconception in the
bud.
Self-love isn’t selfish. Why? Because without taking care of yourself, you are
incapable of truly taking care of others. Self-love actually
benefits other people, not just yourself. When you are able to genuinely love
and accept yourself, you are able to love and accept others much more fully.
To use an analogy, how can an empty cup be used to quench the thirst of
another? It is impossible. Likewise, it is impossible for us to give love if we
haven’t first filled ourselves. Simple.
It is a well-known psychological fact that mistreatment of yourself results in
the mistreatment of others. As professor of educational psychology ;
Kristin Neff writes :-
Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness, concern,
and support you’d show to a good friend.
When faced with difficult life struggles, or confronting personal mistakes,
failures, and inadequacies, self-compassion responds with kindness rather
than harsh self-judgment, recognising that imperfection is part of the shared
human experience.
So the next time you start feeling guilty for dedicating time to yourself or
caring for your own needs, remind yourself that by practicing self-love you are
actually strengthening your ability to love others.
What Science Says About Self-Love
Numerous studies have shown that learning how to love ourselves is
beneficial.
Here are some examples of findings that have been discovered:
• Self-acceptance is the key to living a happier life (source)
• Self-compassion results in making better health decisions (source)