30
Harmony in Marriage
that problem, and then after that delve into the higher aspects
of life. Instead what do you do? You insist on being her boss.
You silly man, why are you trying to become a boss?
Questioner : But why can’t the wife take care of
everything for me?
Dadashri : Oh ho! The wife exists to take care of all
your needs?
Questioner : That is why we have brought home a wife.
Dadashri : Scriptures have proclaimed that a husband
should not exercise any kind of dominance over his wife. You
are not the boss. Your marriage is a partnership. In the
worldly language, people use the terms “husband and wife,”
or “head of the household (husband),” implying that the wife
is subordinate. Because it is a partnership, you do not have
any ownership over your wife. You cannot make demands on
her. You have to explain things to her in order to get your
work done.
Questioner : In our wedding ceremony, the bride’s
parents perform the ritual of kanyadaan (kanya: unmarried
girl; daan: gift, donation) in which they give the bride as a gift.
Does that not make us their owners?
Dadashri : That is not for the civilized community. That
is for the uncivilized community. In our civilized community, men
should take every care to make sure that the wife does not
suffer. Otherwise, they will never be happy. Just as no man has
ever been happy by making his wife miserable, no woman who
has made husband miserable has been happy either.
It is because of this dominating attitude and feeling of
superiority that he gets out of hand and as a result, he will have
to endure the consequences of his actions. It is nothing but