Fighting every day against my will from the time I was old enough to walk made it easy to discern fluff from practicality . All the other punches I learned as a boxer were a nice bonus , but it was the fast rapierlike jab that I could use the most to set up other moves .
And so it was with everything that I witnessed or was taught in gyms or by the older bouncers , who took me under their wing and got me a job as a bouncer right after high school when I was still too young to even enter a bar legally . My ability to discern fluff from practicality after years of near daily beatings , fighting and being afraid has led to this . To retribution .
As the giant becomes over-confident by my steady retreat , he steps forward and closes the gap . At any point I could have taken the man out at will , but I ’ m in no rush .
Even at five feet I could have snapped a lightning-fast jab in the man ’ s face to startle him and cause him to straighten his body back in a reflexive response , exposing his front leg , which I could then snatch by shooting down and hugging the exposed leg tight to my body , gaining complete control to bring the man to the ground and then finish him off with a few well-placed punches to the face .
Or I could have faked a quick left jab to the man ’ s gut to make him flinch , then quickly snap my left fist into the man ’ s face to lift his chin , exposing it before knocking him out with a fast right cross . It was an easy combination I ’ d learned as a fourteen-year-old boxer .
I could have let him get as close as four feet away , timing his steps so that the moment his front foot landed on the ground I could kick my own front foot out and step down on the man ’ s knee as it straightened , snapping it back with devastating , bone crunching results .
I could have used my fast hands at any distance inside four feet to knock him out with a right cross . At three feet it would be easy for me to land hooks , uppercuts or painful , fight-ending elbows to the face or knees to the groin .
And if the giant thought he got lucky by getting to within a foot or two of me , he would be easily knocked out by a head butt like the ones I ’ d practiced with my brother as a kid . Or I ’ d pull him tight to my body and hip-toss him to the ground where , if the jolt from the hard landing on concrete didn ’ t knock him out , the punches that followed would .
In truth , the giant never stood a chance .
The giant is knocked out and bleeding on the ground before he knows what ’ s happened , and I ’ m banging on the metal door hoping someone will hear and let me back in . The thrill has passed . The whole incident from the moment I saw the giant arguing with Bryson until now has taken less than ten minutes . Over two hours of waiting , anticipating and licking my lips for just a few moments of release and then - emptiness and the voice inside my head more adamant than ever , telling me what I already knew :
You ’ re a loser ! I ’ m standing outside the metal door feeling empty , lighting a cigarette and wondering , “ Now what ?”
The door opens and Phil ’ s smiling face greets me . I attempt to smile back , even a little as I walk past him , but I can ’ t . It ’ s impossible to push back the embarrassment and despair that I feel and the realization that everyone has a future , and that everyone is good at something and there is a world of possibilities for everyone except …
You ’ re just a loser . This is all you can do … beat people up . Just fucking get it over with and die already !
Now what ! Now what ! Now what !