only reawakens the self-loathing I am struggling to contain because of the obvious fact that I ’ m a drug addict .
You ’ re a waste of skin . Die already ! Get it over with .
I ’ m unaware of how much time passes , but every second is a nightmare in which I am haunted by the painful reality that I am a pathetic loser .
Relief comes in the hulking form of the man who approaches the entrance just as I am about to turn my eyes away . The giant that I ’ d almost forgotten seems to be arguing with Bryson , but it ’ s hard to tell through the haze from where I sit .
I spring forward and swerve through the crowd to the entrance . It becomes obvious as I approach that the giant is arguing with Bryson . Phil is gone , undoubtedly fucking someone in the staff bathroom or one of the motel ’ s unoccupied rooms .
The giant and his puppies have been joined by three clearly under-aged and very drunk girls . One girl who appears to be no-more than seventeen is leaning against the wall , eyes closed , swaying back and forth . The two other girls don ’ t seem to be in much better shape , but as long as they keep their eyes open , produce ID and don ’ t say anything stupid …
“ What ’ s going on ?” I ask Bryson in a cordial tone that sounds funny even to me . “ I told him that she ’ s too drunk to come in ,” Bryson replies , pointing at the girl leaning against the wall .
“ Time to call it a night tough guy ,” I say to the giant , looking into his eyes so he won ’ t miss the unmistakable challenge in my tone .
“ Fuck you ”, the giant replies . “ What are you going to do about it ?”
The giant ’ s friends begin to snicker , but their smiles quickly turn to slack jawed awe when I slap the big man hard across the face . As if in slow motion , the man ’ s head snaps to the side and his long hair flies back . When the giant turns back towards me his face is filled with rage and he lunges .
Smack !
The sound of my second slap reverberates throughout the lobby and every head turns to see what caused it .
The giant is now on his hands and knees , shaking his head in a daze to try to clear the cobwebs caused by the hard second shot that landed on his ear drum . The giant ’ s equilibrium has been upset . I smile , completely at ease .
“ You want to play with me ?” I say in a tone loud enough that everyone watching can hear . As the giant continues to grope around in a daze on his hands and knees , I grab a handful of his hair and pull his head back , forcing him to look into my face .
“ Ok tough guy , let ’ s go play ,” I say to him before I release his hair and walk back into the club and out one of the side doors . A bright light shines as the side door opens and then shuts off when a spring slam the heavy metal door shut again .
Outside the club in the cool midnight air , I wait . The sky is clear , and I look up at the stars from where I ’ m standing in the dark hotel service lane behind the motel . To my back , a chain link fence runs the length of the lane . To the right of where I ’ m standing facing the door there is a loading bay which is closed in by the fence and a steep embankment on the other side . To my left , fifty meters beyond four large garbage bins , the edge of the lane turns and follows the corner of the building .