On August 30, 2011 during an afternoon nap I had a dream about me and Heather. I dreamed I was in my house and it was on fire. I ran up the stairs and outside and Heather was standing there. I screamed at her to get the water hose that the house was on fire. She looked at me with a smile on her face and said, “Mom, it will be okay.” I didn’t realize till 6 months after that the dream was a warning and a blessing all in one.
When I got to the apartment my daughter Heather was standing at the back of the ambulance looking in. She wasn’t crying and she had blood on her mouth. I asked her what was going on and why there was blood on her mouth and she said she gave Keagan CPR while my son in law called 911. I then looked in the ambulance and saw Keagan’s feet. There were 4 paramedics working on him. But when I saw his feet I knew.
When I got to the emergency room and they finally let me see him, he was hooked up to every kind of tube you could imagine. There was my grandangel, only 33 days old, lying there lifeless. The first thing I did was hold his little feet. I kissed his feet, and found he had no reflexes, and I began to pray. I was wide awake.
I had never faced grief such as this. What was I going to do to help my daughter? I was going to bottle every emotion I had up and put forth an effort to help her. Little did I know it would take its toll on my physical body.
Two days into my being away for job training I had to go home. I didn’t know how to grieve and couldn’t sleep. I needed to be with my husband and my daughter. Fortunately my manager understood the situation.
Three weeks after Keagan was buried Phil’s job sent him to Texas. He would be gone for a month. I would be home alone without the support of my husband, my best friend. I got angry thinking how could he possibly leave me at a time like this? I realized I the only man I needed at that time was God.
Heather and Tommy couldn’t face going back to their apartment. My husband and I agreed they should move in with us so we could heal together. We have a very small house with one bathroom, but we made it work
They lived with us about 5 months til they bought a beautiful home of their own. During the nights they lived with us, I would hear Heather walking the floors during the early morning hours. There was nothing to comfort her after losing her baby. She was hurting and there was no way to comfort her.