BEFORE YOU TEXT
been cheated on , as much as it hurts , realize it probably had nothing to do with you . If the cheating was an isolated incident in an otherwise good relationship , it ’ s not an indicator that a relationship is doomed . ( Tangentially , “ open ” or “ semi-open ” relationships can be very successful . But that ’ s another topic for another manual .)
Women usually cheat for emotional reasons . When a woman cheats , it ’ s usually because she ’ s craving something she ’ s not getting in her relationship and life . A woman will cheat as revenge (“ he cheated on me ; I ’ m going to cheat on him ”), because she ’ s mad at her man (“ he never pays attention to me ”), because the man she cheated with gave her attention she ’ s not getting from her husband or boyfriend , and sometimes , out of plain old-fashioned lust .
There are exceptions to both rules . Sometimes women cheat “ just because they can ” and sometimes men cheat for deeply emotional reasons .
Despite what you may have been told , humans are NOT evolved to be monogamous . This one can get me in trouble with readers , but most reputable science shows us that humans are NOT evolved to be with just one person sexually for our entire lives . If anything , we ’ re like Bonobo apes who have wild orgies at the drop of a hat . Now I ’ m NOT saying that YOU should be out there whoring it up , and I ’ m not condoning cheating . Personally , I ’ m in a very happy monogamous relationship . I am saying that damning your partner to hell for cheating is a lot like getting angry at them for breathing , eating food or sleeping . Humans are ALWAYS going to want and CRAVE sexual variety . The fact that we have brains and can choose not to indulge in that variety is what makes us human . But you ’ ll have a much happier relationship with your man or woman if you admit that ( just like you ) they ’ re human , make mistakes , and have desires and cravings they can ’ t always control .
If your ex is ( or you are ) a serial cheater , however , all bets are off . . . that behavior brings up issues of honesty and respect , and most likely isn ’ t going to change . Take a long , hard look at what you really want out of a relationship .
• “ We don ’ t communicate .” Again , this is a common reason for a woman to break up with a man . I hear from women all the time who say “ I just don ’ t know what ’ s going on in his head ,” or “ He never TALKS to me .” Later in this manual you ’ re going to learn some techniques to make “ speaking your heart ” to your ex a much simpler and less frightening experience . If you ’ re a woman , it ’ s also going to make it easier for you to speak in languages your man actually responds to .
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