BEFORE YOU TEXT
been cheated on, as much as it hurts, realize it probably had nothing to do with you. If the cheating was an isolated incident in an otherwise good relationship, it’ s not an indicator that a relationship is doomed.( Tangentially,“ open” or“ semi-open” relationships can be very successful. But that’ s another topic for another manual.)
Women usually cheat for emotional reasons. When a woman cheats, it’ s usually because she’ s craving something she’ s not getting in her relationship and life. A woman will cheat as revenge(“ he cheated on me; I’ m going to cheat on him”), because she’ s mad at her man(“ he never pays attention to me”), because the man she cheated with gave her attention she’ s not getting from her husband or boyfriend, and sometimes, out of plain old-fashioned lust.
There are exceptions to both rules. Sometimes women cheat“ just because they can” and sometimes men cheat for deeply emotional reasons.
Despite what you may have been told, humans are NOT evolved to be monogamous. This one can get me in trouble with readers, but most reputable science shows us that humans are NOT evolved to be with just one person sexually for our entire lives. If anything, we’ re like Bonobo apes who have wild orgies at the drop of a hat. Now I’ m NOT saying that YOU should be out there whoring it up, and I’ m not condoning cheating. Personally, I’ m in a very happy monogamous relationship. I am saying that damning your partner to hell for cheating is a lot like getting angry at them for breathing, eating food or sleeping. Humans are ALWAYS going to want and CRAVE sexual variety. The fact that we have brains and can choose not to indulge in that variety is what makes us human. But you’ ll have a much happier relationship with your man or woman if you admit that( just like you) they’ re human, make mistakes, and have desires and cravings they can’ t always control.
If your ex is( or you are) a serial cheater, however, all bets are off... that behavior brings up issues of honesty and respect, and most likely isn’ t going to change. Take a long, hard look at what you really want out of a relationship.
•“ We don’ t communicate.” Again, this is a common reason for a woman to break up with a man. I hear from women all the time who say“ I just don’ t know what’ s going on in his head,” or“ He never TALKS to me.” Later in this manual you’ re going to learn some techniques to make“ speaking your heart” to your ex a much simpler and less frightening experience. If you’ re a woman, it’ s also going to make it easier for you to speak in languages your man actually responds to.
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