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This feels a little better. It is good to be alone—away from anyone who might
witness you in distress and making a fool of yourself. The problem is that you
are starting to feel trapped again and you are running out of places to run to.
You reach inside your pocket and pull out y our emergency relaxant for panic
attacks. It may not necessarily have to be a pharmaceutical relaxant; maybe a
small bottle of alcohol or even rosary beads. Whatever your last line of defense
is, it should better work. If not, you will have to use the ultimate coping
strategy—pull the emergency cord and jump off the train. This situation, like
most panic attacks, is one of an escalation of panic, and an exhaustion of the
coping techniques.
Now, let’s try the same scenario with the new understanding:
As you hear the train door slam, the fearful thoughts rise—this time, you don’t
react with terror, but with simple observation—maybe even slight excitement as
you are going to be presented with a new opportunity to learn more about your
panic attacks.
I am not saying you are not going to experience fear—that’s sometimes
unavoidable. But the difference is that whatever you are going to experience,
you are going to throw yourself into it—head first. You’re a survivor.
Your heart is pounding faster now, and you notice your breathing is becoming
short and rapid. You decide to keep feeling all of this—one hundred percent. A
thought creeps in, and tells you to get up, move around, go to the bathroom.
You decide not to. You tell yourself that if it gets really intense, then you might
consider it as a last option. But for the moment, you are going to ride it out
where you are.
You are now in the moment of a panic attack. You are now listening to your
fearful thoughts and merely experiencing all the unusual bodily sensations. You
are pleased with yourself. You realize you are riding the wave of anxiety, and
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