Generation Gap
19
If your complaint is about your child drinking alcohol, I
would tell you to accept it because the fault is yours. I would
however tell you to keep a positive intent for him. The law of
nature and the law of the world are both different. People will
always tell you that the child is at fault and you too will believe it,
but nature’s law says, 'the fault is yours.'
If you become a friend to your children, they will improve.
But if you assert your authority as a parent, you will risk losing
them. Your friendship should be such that the child will not go
looking for comfort and guidance elsewhere. You should do
everything a friend would do, with your child; play games, sports,
drink tea together etc. Only then will he remain yours, otherwise
you will end up losing him. Does any child accompany his father
on the funeral pyre? These children are not really yours. Nature
only makes them appear to be yours. First you should make the
decision that you want to live with them as friends, and then you
will be able to do so. If your friend is doing something wrong,
how far will you go to caution him? You would only give him
advice to the point where he listens, but you would not nag him. If
he does not listen, then you would tell him that the decision is his.
To be a friend to your child, you have to accept that from the
worldly perspective you are his father, but in your mind you should
think of yourself as being his son. When the father comes down to
the level of his child, he will be accepted as a friend. There is no
other way to become a friend.
Questioner : You have said that after our children turn
sixteen we should become their friends. Why not become friends
much earlier?
Dadashri : That would be very good, but you cannot be
friends with them until they reach the age of ten or eleven. Until
then, they may make mistakes and you will have to guide them