Funeral Service Times August 2017 April 2019 | Page 16

16 ADVERTORIAL
WINSTON’S WISH
Responding to children and young people
affected by media coverage of violent crime
and death by homicide - By Sacha Richardson,
director of family services at Winston’s Wish
V
iolent crime, particularly knife crime, is on the rise and the
stories are regularly reported in the media, resulting in
exposure to sometimes quite distressing reports. When these
sorts of events hit the news, it’s important to think about how
and what we communicate with children and young people. Remember
that all adults are important role models – and so we need to take the lead.
Though we may not always see it first hand - especially as a parent
- children and young people are learning from us all the time. This
includes how we respond to distressing events in the news. When a major
incident occurs it is broadcast repeatedly on news outlets and widely
communicated in person and through the internet. Most children and
young people will have heard about it, and in some instances, it will be a
significant topic of conversation in the playground. Sometimes children -
through their own fear or to cause a reaction in others - may exaggerate
either the details of what has happened or the danger present now.
It is appropriate and important to let children know that we are all likely
to have an emotional reaction to a tragic event. We can show them that
feeling sad, angry, confused or upset is normal. However, we also want
to reassure and show them that we are able to cope with even the most
difficult tragedies. It is also important not to assume that children will see
things in the same way as us; if we do, we could inadvertently project our
fears onto them. For example, we may be imagining another similar event
happening to us, friends or family or in our locality, when they see this as
an isolated event.
FAQS
SOME FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT HOW TO
SUPPORT CHILDREN AND YOUNG PEOPLE
These are some of the questions that are being asked by those caring for
children who have been affected by the media coverage of violent crime.
We have compiled the answers below by drawing on our experiences of
supporting children, young people and families who have been bereaved
through all types of death, including those which are violent.
HOW CAN WE BEST EXPLAIN THIS TO
OUR CHILDREN AND YOUNG PEOPLE?
BE CLEAR
Talk to children using words they understand and are appropriate for
their age. It’s best to use honest, clear language. It’s probably best to tell
children information a bit at a time, giving them the opportunity to come
back with more questions. Older children will want and be able to handle
more information.
You could start with a general explanation, for example: “This is in the
news because it’s very unusual and very upsetting…”. The explanation can
be basic, especially for young children – something like: “The police are
still trying to work out what happened but it seems as if someone did a
very bad thing and hurt some people so badly that they died.”
BE HONEST AND OPEN
We can naturally worry that by talking about tragic events we can trigger
fears or make children think they are more likely to happen. However, we
have learnt that ‘not talking about’ something as important as people
dying or being killed is more likely to have the effect of increasing anxiety
and confusion. There are two main reasons for this:
APRIL 2019
– Children may imagine - or have heard - more frightening and
inaccurate stories about what has happened and/or will happen in the
future.
– Not talking about an important event gives the implicit message that
this is something we cannot manage and should not talk about.
REASSURE
The way in which we talk about tragic events can convey a lot; children
will be reassured by a straightforward, matter-of-fact tone than the actual
used so whilst acknowledging sadness or upset, we want to be calm
and reassuring. Where appropriate, point out that the police or other
emergency services are acting to make things safer. When talking about
death by homicide, it is helpful to talk about people doing ‘bad things’ as
opposed to ‘bad people’.
AGE APPROPRIATE NEEDS
Younger children (three to six years) - At this age, children primarily
need to hear and to feel that they are safe and secure. Ideally parents and
carers will keep calm, reassure about physical safety and help children to
understand their emotional reactions.
Seven to 12 years - In this age range children will be increasingly active
users of media. They may be exposed to information before they have
adequate life experience to place it into context. They may have questions
about good and evil and think about the long term consequences. They
may need help integrating this experience into a balanced view of the
world and the risks of life. They will need comfort and reassurance and
they will appreciate having their own thoughts, feelings and questions
taken seriously.
Adolescents - They may be media aware and have access to more forms
of news than parents and teachers. However, they may get distorted
information or form very superficial black and white views of events. It
can also be hard to know whether they are impacted by events because
they often do not communicate distress or worry to adults. They are likely
to value clear information and modelling from parents or teachers, even
though they may not show it outwardly. Often it is helpful to talk about
your own experience or other people’s thoughts and feelings as a way of
validating their experience without them feeling exposed or vulnerable.
SHOULD WE STOP CHILDREN AND YOUNG PEOPLE
WATCHING TELEVISION COVERAGE OR SEEING THE
NEWSPAPERS?
Most stories in the news involving a death will be upsetting; this is
particularly true if a child can imagine something like this happening to
them or someone close to them. The temptation is to try to prevent them
hearing about it. However, because other children will have heard the
news, it is better for your children to have the opportunity to ask questions
and receive reassurance from people they trust. Your judgement of what
your child can understand is very valuable. If your children are used to
watching and discussing the news with you, they may be able to watch an
early news bulletin with you beside them.
Encourage children to ask questions about what they are seeing and
then answer them as well as you can. We know that we cannot shield
children from these painful events and that attempting to do so can have
negative consequences. No child has ever told us they were glad someone
lied to them about a death. However, there are studies that show that
repeatedly seeing tragic events may have negative psychological
consequences.
WHAT SHOULD I SAY ABOUT THE PERSON / PEOPLE WHO
DID THIS?
It’s really hard to be calm about something this terrible, but, if you find it
possible, try and distinguish between bad acts and bad people. Children
find the idea of bad people particularly frightening and will be reassured
to know that the person who carried out this act has been arrested. Older
children will appreciate details and the opportunity to explore why people
do such terrible things and how the families are feeling. This can be an
opportunity to help young people develop their empathy and reflect on
the value of life and relationships. When appropriate, it can be reassuring
for children to know that perpetrators have been caught or have died.
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