From the Archive Preach Magazine - Issue 19 Kate Wharton

SINGLE LIVING Leading well as a single leader Here are some ideas for making single leadership a more positive experience. ‘Find your tribe’ It’s so important that we don’t try to do life entirely alone – it’s impossible and unhealthy! So who are your tribe? Who can you call late at night after a diﬃcult meeting? Who will remember that important day and text to say they’ll be thinking of you? Who can you meet for a drink on your day oﬀ and be yourself with? In leadership we’ll come across a fair number of people whose presence will drain us – so make sure you know who will give you energy. Taking care of yourself It is really important for us to be kind to ourselves – and so we must know ourselves well. This doesn’t mean self-indulgence: it is about appropriate self-care, knowing what you need realistically, in order to survive and thrive. There is real wisdom in knowing what you need for good mental and physical health. These things aren’t optional. So whether it’s a weekly swim, a massage, a trip to a coﬀee shop with a book, a walk in the park, a long bath, a lie-in, a phone call with a friend, an hour of Netflix (or all of the above) – make time and space for the things that will allow you to rest and be refreshed. Being honest The flip side of being kind to ourselves – and just as important – is that we are ruthlessly honest with ourselves. Living alone (not all single people live alone, but many do) may well mean that we have no one to check up on us, to chat to after a long day, to bring us a cup of tea at our desk. But it also means that we have no one to hold us accountable, to smooth over the rough edges of LWPT12123 - Preach Magazine - Issue 19 v3.indd 25 our selfishness, to know what we watch on TV late at night. Honesty is vital in all of our relationships, but it’s equally important that we are honest with ourselves. Find someone that you can be accountable to, and tell them the warts-and-all truth about yourself. It doesn’t matter if it’s a good friend, a mentor, a counsellor, a prayer partner, a spiritual director – have someone who knows everything but doesn’t let it put them oﬀ. Boundaries When we’re in positions of leadership, particularly within the church, our homes can often become public places. It’s great to be generous and oﬀer hospitality – but we must have boundaries. They may be clearer for people who are married and/or have children, and for those who visit their homes. It’s obvious if there are other people in the house (particularly tiny demanding ones), there are rooms that are oﬀ limits, and certain times of day which aren’t great for visits, meetings and phone calls. But just because you’re single, it doesn’t mean that it’s ok for phone calls to interrupt your meals or for visitors to go into your private living quarters. Everyone feels diﬀerently about this – some love an open house and have very few boundaries; others will be much more private. But know that it’s OK to have boundaries, and to make them clear. If there are places in your home that you don’t want people to go, or times of the day (or night) when you’re not available, then it’s OK to say that. Role models It’s always helpful and inspiring to have someone to look up to, a bit further along on the journey than you are, doing the same thing, who you can admire and emulate. As a woman, I’ve found it really helpful and encouraging to learn from women leaders who are more 25 experienced than I am. I think the same is true for single people. It might not be immediately obvious but I think it is important to ‘see ourselves’ in the people we see leading. If I only ever see married people (male or female) and parents in positions of leadership, then even if I am never explicitly told that single people can’t lead, I will end up believing that. I’m grateful that I have seen examples of brilliant single leaders who have shown me that it can be done, and given me an idea of what it could look like. And I’m privileged also to be a role model for those who are coming after me, who will hopefully see something in me that is worth following. So let’s try both to find a role model and to be a role model for single leaders. Leading well So is leading well as a single person any diﬀerent from leading well as any other sort of person? Well, it is and it isn’t… Leadership is a unique enough challenge in its own right. It comes with an enormous bunch of challenges, possibilities and privileges all of its own. Being single is also a unique challenge (and hopefully, at least some of the time, a joy and a blessing). Leading well as a single person, definitely, can be done. It’ll take hard work, good support, and serious resilience, but the blessings are definitely worth the eﬀort! Kate Wharton Kate Wharton is Vicar of St. Bart’s Church in Roby, Liverpool, and Assistant National Leader of New Wine. In 2013 she wrote Single Minded: Being Single and Whole and Living Life to the Full. In her spare time, she enjoys watching football and fencing (with swords, not wooden posts…). Twitter: @KateWharton27 Blog: katewharton@ blogspot.com 25/04/2019 15:22:51

From the Archive Preach Magazine - Issue 19 Kate Wharton | Page 6