From the Archive Preach Magazine - Issue 19 Kate Wharton | Page 4

SINGLE LIVING
I
n many ways, of course, leading is
just leading, whoever is doing it,
and whoever they’re doing it with.
Leading anyone and anything is
tricky, because people are human
and messy and complicated. Leading
requires a complex mix of different
gifts and skills, and often it seems
that chief among them are herding
cats, spinning plates and nailing jelly
to walls. Or maybe that’s just in my
church.
But in some ways I think there are
things which are unique to leading as
a single person. I’m 40, and I’ve been
an ordained priest in the Church of
England for almost 14 years. I also
happen to have been single for my
whole life. I’ll start by outlining some
of the things which I think can be
problematic for single leaders, and
then go on to suggest some ways in
which single people can seek to lead
well. Some of these things may also
relate to those who are married, but
I’ve included them because I think
they have a particular relevance for
single people. (I should add a caveat
to say that of course all single people
are different. Some have always
been single; some are ‘single again’
following divorce or bereavement.
Some have children; some don’t. Some
live alone; some share their home
with others. So please forgive any
assumptions or generalisations which
may occur).
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Talking it out Switching off
Linked with that is having no one
to process things with and make
decisions with. I’m probably not
helped in this because I am an off-
the-scale extrovert. Talking is how
I process and reflect on and make
sense of things that have happened,
as well as how I plan and prepare for
things that are coming up. And it’s
how I decide what I think! Of
course I can do this with
colleagues and friends
but sometimes I think it
would be great to have
someone who was just
‘there’ and with whom I
could talk about all the stuff
of leadership. Without that, I
can sometimes find it hard to move
on because, if I haven’t talked things
out, they continue to bug my brain! A major issue which lots of people who
live alone describe is having no one
to tell you to stop working. Obviously
everyone is different, but I work best
late at night – in fact my day would
ideally run from around 9:30am to
12:30am but unfortunately that isn’t
really socially acceptable! So one of
the issues about living alone and
working from home, and doing a job
which is never ‘finished’, is that it’s too
easy to drift back into the study and
continue sending those emails, or
writing that sermon, or planning
that event. I can’t always rely on
my own willpower and wisdom
to know when to step away
from the computer. Someone
else might remind me to do that and
help me be occupied in a different and
more positive way.
Challenges for
single leaders
Sharing the load
A big one for me is having no one
there to share the leadership load
with. Now I absolutely recognise
that leadership is by its very nature
a solitary calling, and so all leaders
probably have times when they
feel fairly lonely. But for me there’s
something about carrying the burden
of senior leadership alone (even
though I have amazing colleagues)
that can still feel pretty tough.
LWPT12123 - Preach Magazine - Issue 19 v3.indd 23
OFTEN SINGLE PEOPLE
DON’T TAKE TIME OFF
BECAUSE THERE’S NO
ONE TO GO AWAY WITH.
25/04/2019 15:22:49