does something strange to them. With each passing sip you come
closer to becoming their new buddy, their confidant. It all seems so
cordial and heart-warming, but fasten your seat belt. Mount Etna
is preparing for eruption. Everything you never wanted to know
about them is about to be thrust upon you, their newly christened
BFF. From the mouths of babes come no holds barred, soul-baring
confessions of spouses, kids, jobs, neighbors, illicit activities (we
don’t need to hear these!) and eye-popping revelations of all kinds.
You can’t stop this freight train and the Emoter is certain that you
want to hear it all, in its ugly entirety. Chateau Truth Serum has
been poured and along with the revelations comes the entire gamut
of human emotion; anger, laughter, tears, joy, heartache…you name
it. You did not order this appetizer, you do not want this appetizer,
but it’s coming anyway – it’s on the house.
The Blotto: Look around. Find the potted plant. Moving ever
so slowly, he is the one trying valiantly to complete a sentence.
Grasping the bowl of his wine glass firmly in the palm of his hand,
he appears to be using his stemware as a tightrope walker might
use his balancing rod. In this case, however, the tightrope is called
‘carpet’. Look down. That’s the stuff with the spots that match
those on his shoes and shirt. Those spots are also amazingly close
in tint to the stuff that used to be in his glass. This walking coma
is surprisingly not all that offensive. He is content to mind his
own business while mumbling audible half-sentences to his nearby
imaginary friend. Reacting in slow motion and with time-delay to
any outside stimulus, this is much like watching an old second-rate
movie, where the sound and movements don’t quite match up. But
fear not, he has his medicine in hand and a soulmate somewhere in
the room ready to drive him home at the appropriate time. If he can
be kept upright for a little while longer, he can stay. Just stand him
in the corner and make sure he doesn’t fall over and make a mess.
Like a potted plant.
The Superior Palate – This skilled manipulator can convince
you exactly what aromas and flavors you will taste. Mind you, such
flavors need not actually exist in the wine. All that is needed is an
open mind and your willingness to accept – unquestioningly – the
expertise of a supposed superior palate. Ladies and gentlemen, you
are suffering from “The Emperor’s New Clothes” syndrome. But fear
not – eventually you realize the obvious, which is: if you can’t taste
it, IT’S NOT THERE! Imagine if someone could convince you that
hamburger tasted like steak. Wouldn’t McDonald’s stock go through
the roof?
The Smooth Operator: This person is at the wine tasting for one
reason and one reason only – the opposite sex. Convinced that he/
she just flat out looks more attractive, sophisticated, successful and
distinguished with a glass of wine in hand, this player really isn’t
all that smooth – they just think they are. In reality, each sip of
wine only makes everyone else in the room appear that much more
attractive. Think about it. If this person was as all that desirable,
why would they be trolling the room solo? Okay, there’s no need to
be insulting here. With admiration for his initiative and courageous
efforts, we will respectfully dub this specimen ‘The Smooth
Operator’.
Wine tastings are, first and foremost, about the wine. While
some industry-related formal events may be uber-serious, the vast
majority of them are casual, social and entertaining. Either way,
they’re fun. Next time you attend one, do yourself a favor: Check
out your tasting pals while you are working out your taste buds. You
don’t want to miss what may well be the best part of the show.
Benson First Friday
bensonfirstfriday.com
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