Tasting Pals
by John Finocchiaro
E
veryone loves a wine tasting. After all, what’s not to like when
it comes to sipping vino with your friends. While the wines
may highlight the event’s marquis, it is truly the cast of characters
assembled that make a wine tasting memorable. As wines swirl in
glasses, personalities are magnified. Inhibitions dissipate. Rules
of decorum may ease just a bit. The sights and sounds emulating
from the tasters are a spectacle to behold. The swirling and sipping,
sniffing and glass-gazing, the “oohs” and “ahhs”, grand gestures and
subtle expressions – you’d think these people were in the middle of
massage therapy.
You can learn a lot about wine at such events. But also watch
closely as your wine tasting buddies reveal much about themselves
with each passing sip. Careful and analytical scientific research has
categorized these sniffers and quaffers into a few distinct prototypes.
See if any of your tasting pals fall into one or more of these
descriptors.
The Cork Dork: You know the type. He doesn’t smile.
Conversation, if he decides to share any, revolves solely around
the wine in hand. Absolute concentration is required before he
commences his routine. Hospital emergency wards have been
less tense than the aura surrounding this pulseless prince of
pretentiousness. Eyes close, head tilts, air sucks in between his
lips while he gurgles audibly for all to hear. No, it’s not a Listerine
commercial. It’s the Cork Dork. And when he is through levitating
and returns from his trance, in one last heroic expression of vino
machismo, he spits. Because that’s what real men do. They spit. He
is not tasting this wine. He is having a relationship with it. And
44
based on his warm and inviting persona, this is probably the most
intimate relationship he has had in years.
The Newbie – New to such an experience, Newbies are just
thrilled to be there. Easy to please, polite and smiling, maybe even
giggling (gasp!), the first timer is pure joy. Unless of course you are
a Cork Dork, in which case you are highly offended. Neophytes
are often the easiest to please and most grateful tasters in the room.
They don’t have a clue what they are sipping, but no matter. To
them it’s all fun. And unless you are a fun-hater, these folks can add
levity to the sometimes thick air in the room.