Food & Spirits Magazine #15 | Page 35

down by the river. I like my bed and a non-leaking roof over by head. •? Right now I know you’re saying, get a better paying job. Guess what? I LOVE my job and without me and my co-industry people, there would be no bars and restaurants. That would make your weekends kind of boring. •? I’ve never heard of a bar that gives away birthday shots, just so y ou know. •? If you’re waiting for a drink, it’s because we’re making one for someone that got to the bar first. We’ll be with you as soon as we can! •? Waving money, yelling “Hey, Bartender” or any other obvious show of need is annoying and makes us not want to serve you. You might be put towards the end of the “line.” You can call us a soup Nazi, we’re okay with it. •? If you’re ordering with someone else or a group of people, please, please, please order from the same bartender! This makes everything more efficient. It might not seem that way to you, but trust me. “I like my job way more than the tip you might give me. So if I cut you off, deal with it.” fsmomaha.com •? Don’t ask a bartender to “make it strong.” We’re going to give you the appropriate amount of alcohol. If you want it strong, order a double! •? If you’re going to order five different concoctions, NOTE: it’s going to take a bit longer. Be patient. •? Craft cocktails have the word craft in them for a reason. They take a minute or two to make, so again, please be patient. •? Bartenders don’t set the prices. We are minions that do what we’re told. If you have a complaint, talk to a manager. •? If we cut you off, it’s for a reason – you’re probably drunk. Thank us instead of getting pissed. Your liver will love us the next day. Plus, serving your drunken ass can cause us to get an over-serving ticket. These tickets are both extremely expensive and can cause the bar to be shut down for days. I like my job. I like my job way more than the tip you might give me. So, if I cut you off, deal with it. Drink some water, call a cab and go to sleep. We’d love to see you again. •? Four things you can’t do in a bar. 1) steal 2) break something (at least not on purpose) 3) vomit (at least try not to. If you really need to, make it to the toilet. NOT A URINAL!) 4) fall asleep. You have a bed, or so I’m assuming. Go home if you’re feeling tired. There’s no shame in tapping out early. •? If there’s money on the bar and it’s not yours… IT’S STILL NOT YOURS! It’s mine. Leave it where it lies. •? Know the environment you’re in. Cocktail lounges aren’t going to have UV Cake while a club probably isn’t going to have Talisker. It’s kind of like going to an Indian restaurant and ordering grilled cheese. •? In case you didn’t know, we’re not in Las Vegas. We don’t have open container laws here. Your drink stays inside. If you want someone to chase after you, have fun being tackled with a drink in your hand on the sidewalk. •? If you see someone exclusively picking up dishes and washing said dishes, it’s NOT a bartender. Don’t get mad that he/she isn’t serving you, that’s not their job. •? Just don’t fight. We don’t like fights. If you decide to fight, have fun being barred for a very long time. 35