3.) The next step is to become aware of what is being triggered for you. When you know what your baggage is and have an idea of your patterns in relationships, take a look at how you respond and react to these things. Make a list of beliefs and behaviors you would like to change and what you would like to replace them with. A good example of a belief you might want to change is, “I believe that men are difficult to trust.” A great replacement for this belief is, “I believe that I can be in a relationship with a trustworthy man.” Make the lists, then head to step 4.
4.) Once you have your desired beliefs and behaviors clear, you can start to work on practicing them! Step 4 is to pick the smallest one to start off with and practice it until becomes easier. If you are trying to alter a belief, you will have to be mindful about your internal dialogue and begin to change the messages you focus on. Repeating the belief that you are trying to acquire and talking to others who are supportive is one way to do this. To use the trust example above, continue to tell yourself that you can be in a relationship with a trustworthy man and that there are men who are emotionally available and trustworthy.
5.) Finally, get professional help. So many times, we act in ways that are guided by some old conditioned responses and we have no idea we are doing this. Working with a therapist can help you bring these things to light. For example, a history of conflict with a parent can lead to deep seated feelings/beliefs of being “undeserving” or “unworthy.” These beliefs are so powerful and if left unaddressed can wind up sabotaging any potential for intimate connection in a relationship. It is also a great way to fast track implementing new and more desireable beliefs and behaviors.
We are all wired for connection and our love relationships are of utmost importance. Be aware of what you bring to the relationship and follow these 5 steps to take control of your old patterns, ensure that your relationship is full of new possibilities and baggage free!