I still remember the day I drove my mother to the assisted living facility to see her new apartment. We both knew. We both cried. I never used the “A” word in front of her. I’d just say, “Mother you’re just having some memory issues”….But I knew that she knew what was happening to her. Over the next few years I tried to make her comfortable there. We’d have our scheduled lunch outing at least once a week. Always the same place, Roadhouse grill and always the same meal. I miss those days. After being in her new apartment a few months she actually engaged in activities which really surprised me. She was never really a “joiner.”
I never wanted her to be afraid in her new home or of what was happening to her. So, I did my best to make her apartment colorful and cute. She loved sage green. So we made the walls green! I filled her room with her precious knick knacks and family photos. My mother has a thing for jewelry (I guess I come by that addiction honestly) and some days when I went to see her, she’d have on every piece of jewelry she owned. Sometimes 2 different earrings in one ear! I’d giggle at her and tell her she looked like a Christmas tree. Whatever. It made her happy. Many times you have to find humor in life just to get through it. When she couldn’t find the words, I’d fill in the blanks. I’d always go with her reality. If she complained she hadn’t seen me in months…I’d just say, “Yes, I know mother… I’m so glad we’re together right now.” (Even though I was just there the day before) I’m grateful that she lives close to my work so I can go by on my way home. I didn’t know how this disease would progress but after a while I started to noticed she stopped hanging up her clothes. She’d just toss them anywhere in her room. That was very out of character for my neat-nick mother. She forgot how to dress herself. Alzheimer’s includes memory loss but as the disease progresses it kills more of the brain until you are unable to move, swallow or breathe. It has an impact on the entire body. It can be subtle changes at first. My mom stopped socializing in the scheduled activities. Then, she stopped using her phone to call me. Sadly, she no longer knew how to use it. BUT she still knew me! I’d walk in and she’d say, “There’s my daughter”…I wish I could hear those words today.
My mom is now in the late stage of “A” and it’s a struggle for her to eat and simply open her eyes. Words are far and few between. I visit all the time now, because I know she doesn’t have time on her side. Right now I’m happy that her actions speak when the words will no longer come. You see, she still has moments when she is staring into space…then, I see her eyes focus on mine and she raises her eyebrows. THAT’S IT! That’s the signal to me that she sees me….she’s thinking, “There’s my daughter” It’s that moment when I know she is still in there. We take it day by day. I take whatever I can get. A raised eyebrow and maybe a smile. “A” can happen to anyone. It can happen to you. Alzheimer’s is NOT a normal part of aging. Alzheimer’s is the 6th leading cause of death in the US. It’s also the only cause of death in the top 10 in America that cannot be prevented, cured or slowed. This month there are “Walks to End Alzheimer’s” happening all of the country. If you’d like more information on how you can participate and help to end Alzheimer’s, please visit ALZ.org We ALL have a reason to walk. I’m walking for my best friend, my mother. ~Susan (xoxo Mother I love you.)