My 10-year-old wants to play either football or soccer and my 7-year old either football, baseball or tennis. I coached my oldest son’s football team for the past two years and learned a lot about his competitiveness, personality and ability. Unlike my youngest, my oldest is on the smaller side for his age. He has good athletic ability, is very smart and competitive. However, sometimes he thinks he’s better than what he actually is, which is where my truthfulness comes in to play.
During football season he was disappointed that he wasn’t playing running back. He wanted to score touchdowns. I felt his pain, because I too was once in a similar position when I first started playing football. My problem was that I was too big to run the ball and was forced to play on the line, but his was the exact opposite. He wasn’t as big or fast as the other running backs and I knew that. It was a hard pill for me to swallow too, because I wanted him to be able to play the position he loved. However, I always vowed not to be that dad/coach
that would play my kid in front of others that were better than he was. Instead of coming out and crushing him with, “Well you’re just not as good as the players in front of you”, I wanted him to think about what made a good running back. After discussing the skills that a good running back needed to possess such as speed, size, and the ability to break tackles, he agreed that he wasn’t the best back on the team and understood what he needed to become that player. This past year he also made his school’s 5th-6th grade basketball team, which was very exciting for all of us. However, during the season he was a reserve player. Dissatisfied after one game he commented to me that he wasn’t playing much because he “wasn’t the coach’s son”. I knew that wasn’t true, because I was his “eye in the sky”. I was disappointed with his comment and felt the need to immediately address it. He needed to be humbled just a bit and this time I was more direct. I pointed out moments during the game where he committed turnovers, missed shots, and committed fouls. Facts
that he couldn’t dispute. I also
pointed out the good things
that he did but reiterated that
he didn’t deserve to be a starter
yet. When I asked him why he
felt that he deserved to start,
his reply was “because I worked
so hard”. I explained that
sometimes your best effort and
hard work may not be good
enough, but that he should
never give up. After a little self-
reflection on his performance,
he agreed that we needed to
work on his dribbling, passing
and shooting. By the last game
of the season, he got a little
more playing time, played
great defense and scored two
big buckets that helped propel
his team to a victory. His
confidence in his abilities also
soared.
As parents, we all want to give
our kids the push they need to succeed,