The Newly Engaged/Newly Wed Relationship
The resistance not to change is probably at its highest when someone first gets engaged or married. I personally think that this resistance to change falls more into a guy’s wheelhouse, because as the saying goes, “Boys just want to be boys”. The problem here is that men just want to continue to do the things that they’ve done prior to getting engaged and married. Social activities such as playing golf with
the fellas, watching the game
and drinking beers with the
fellas, going clubbing until 3
am in the morning with the
fellas, working out with the
fellas, playing basketball with
the fellas, and/or just chilling
on the couch all day with the
fellas. Do you see the pattern
here? All or most of their
activities include the fellas,
probably to the dismay of
their significant other. On the
flipside, the expectations of
the fiancée or wife could be to
spend more time with her and
less time with the fellas.
Skipping out on watching
college football all day on a
Saturday, at least one
weekend could be all she
wants. This is a tough one,
because both sides have
legitimate beef. Someone
once gave me some great pre-
marital advice, which was it’s
important that both people
continue to do social things
that they did before they
were married, even after
they’re married. This includes
hanging out with your boys or
your girls, watching the game,
getting manicures and
pedicures, or even taking long
bike rides. However the issue
is not necessarily about hanging out, but where and how often you hang out. Honestly, men have to be smarter about this one. Guys should know that they cannot allow their friends to monopolize most of their time. Period. Once you become engaged or married, then the game has changed quite a bit. Your obligation is to wifey first and to yourboys second. On the contrary, women can’t try to keep their man from his boys, because that could cause resentment. Here are a few suggestions on how to maintain a good balance, build brownie points and avoid the newlywed tug-o-war.
1.) Communicate effectively. Sharing your likes and dislikes should come natural in any good relationship, but the key here is to understand each other’s social desires before tying the knot. You should know what you’re getting into, before making the biggest commitment of your lives
.
2.) Set expectations for each other. Not in the sense that you’re telling the other person what they can or can’t do, but simply letting them know what will make you feel more comfortable as a partner. For example, if you’re out clubbing until 2 am in the morning, I’m sure that checking in with your significant other a few times throughout the night would make them feel a little better about you partying late night with your boys.
3.) Sacrifice. It’s okay to miss watching NFL countdown on ESPN sometimes. It is probably not life or death that you skip on getting a mani/pedi at the same exact time every Saturday morning with your girls. Taking a moment to do something with your partner that you would not normally do goes a long way. Relationships are about sacrifice and this one is huge. Because when you give up something that you love doing then you’re sending a strong message to your loved one about how much you care.