The Just Dating Relationship
How many times have you’ve met someone new that you were all giddy about? Your excitement for that person was through the roof and you couldn’t wait to talk to them, spend time and introduce them to your friends. You found yourself making plans with them on days that you would normally hang out with your BFF and then gradually started to neglect your besties over the course of a few months. At first your friends were happy for you, but then they just became annoyed, because they’ve seen that pattern before. Meet. Fall in love. Neglect your friends. Break up. Then go back to calling your friends again. Annoying! In my experience, I’ve heard this mostly from women, but I’m sure some guys go through this as well. There is a flip side to this however. There are many of your friends that pose as being happy for you, but in actuality, they’re a little jealous, because you found this amazing person. Their jealousy is not meant to be malicious in any way, because deep down they do want the best for you. However, jealousy may stem from their fears of losing a good friend to a guy, especially if that person doesn’t have a man of their own to hang out with. I’ve seen this firsthand and believe me it isn’t pretty. It’s actually kind of selfish and silly. Eventually there may be a tug-o-war going on between your new guy and your bestie. But how do you balance spending time with both to avoid that struggle?
Here are some of my recommendations:
1.) Resist the urge to immediately go all in on a new relationship. Not to say that you can’t certainly be excited about the new guy or girl, but make sure that your new potential mate will be around longer than 6 weeks, before you immediately start blowing off your friends.
2.) Include your friends in your plans. This is important, because your friends will recognize and appreciate the fact that you still want to hang out with them, although there’s a new Sheriff in town. It will also allow you to have a different set of eyes on your new catch that could possibly help to validate or negate that the guy is truly the person for you. Let your friends check out his friends that will either build confidence in your relationship knowing that his boys are solid or show warning signs that they’re bad news. Friends are a reflection of the person you’re dating.
3.) Check in often with your friends. Whether it’s a phone call or a text, checking in will truly let them know that you haven’t forgotten about them and make them feel special. Make sure that the conversation is not all about you and your new relationship. But the focus should be on what’s happening in your friend’s life.