Sound simple? Yet Sherri explains how acquiring a lover has been difficult because many men still believe that women are unable to compartmentalize sex. Such a notion is deemed comical, causing major eye-rolling by women who successfully manage to find non-traditional lovers quite fulfilling, arguing that many men are simply not comfortable with women having that level of sexual control.
So I polled a few single women for their thoughts on the idea. Not surprisingly, those who choose a lover cite similar reasons to Sherri’s. Personal and professional demands on their time, energy and attention confounded by a healthy sex drive, a desire for excitement and companionship yet a “not right now” attitude towards settling into a commitment make having a lover appealing. Fully embracing the power of their sexuality, the freedom and control of a mutually agreeable, non-traditional arrangement with someone whom they share a level of friendship, familiarity or even a romantic history is quite satisfying and sometimes the door is open for a commitment, down the road.
However, for most of these women, one-night stands with random men are not part of the equation. Conversely, others still prefer sexual intimacy within the boundaries of a committed relationship. The idea of a lover, challenged deeply rooted personal or spiritual values for
women who seek to create a stable, long-term home with Mr. Right versus swinging from the chandeliers with Mr. Right Now.
So what are some rules of engagement for taking on a lover?
1.) Know yourself – Physical intimacy is especially powerful and sharing yourself without a commitment is not for everyone. Know and follow what works best for you.
2.) Be honest – Set clear expectations and boundaries and gain agreement about how to handle any changes to personal or emotional circumstances.
3.) Respect marriage – For most women, having a married lover is not acceptable.
4.) Be safe – The excitement of having a lover should not impede common sense.
5.) Be discreet – Privacy feeds the excitement and anticipation of a special rendezvous so keep the outside world guessing. Not everything belongs on Facebook.
6.) Have fun – Be free to try new things with your lover. Having one can feel “naughty” and who doesn’t relish a little naughtiness sometimes?