The season of giving is upon us, and if you're like me, you may be feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of shopping for several family members, friends, and coworkers. You may ask yourself: How much should I spend on each gift? How do I show my sister that I value her? Should I even get my cousin's partner anything?
When faced with a social challenge, I often consult sociological or anthropological texts—a holdover from my years studying anthropology in college. As with most social phenomena, sociologists and anthropologists have studied gift giving extensively. The Gift by French sociologist Marcel Mauss is considered the seminal text on gift giving. In it, he describes gift giving in the following manner:
In particular, such exchanges are acts of politeness... in which economic transaction is only one element, and in which the passing on of wealth is only one feature of a much more general and enduring contract.
Mauss understood gift giving as more than just an exchange of material goods; he saw it as essential to maintaining social harmony over a long period of time. The “enduring contract” he speaks of is a social contract, which can exist between individuals, families, or entire communities.
For gift giving to work, reciprocity is key. Think about whom you received a gift from last time around. Try to make sure you have something, even if it’s a small token, for each person. That twinge of guilt you feel when you realize you forgot to buy someone a gift comes from recognizing that you have not held up your end of the social contract. Depending how deep your connection is to another person, showing up without a gift can be quite damaging to the relationship—at least for a little while.