Let The Punishment
Fit The Crime
To cane or not to cane?
That’s usually the question
a lot of parents face when
they want to discipline
their children. We talk to
Dr Penny Tok who explains
whether caning is ever
justifiable and what are
the types of appropriate
punishment for children in
different age groups.
Disciplining your children when they’ve done something wrong is a bit like
walking on a tightrope – one mistake, accidental or not, and the repercussions
are almost irreversible. Furthermore, with the amount of conflicting
information out there regarding the appropriate level of punishment for
children of different ages, especially about the merits and demerits of corporal
discipline, it’s understandable that most parents will be confused and unsure
about whether they’re doing the right thing.
Experienced child psychologist Dr Penny Tok reassures parents that, by and
large, disciplining your children when they have done something wrong is good
parenting. The key, according to her, is to understand the differences between
the concepts of discipline, which is good, and punishment, which can be bad.
DISCIPLINE
Focuses on teaching the child
new skills such as knowing how to
manage your emotions
Instils in the child ideas
of what is appropriate and
inappropriate behaviour
Fosters a positive relationship
between parent and child
Teaches the qualities of
responsibility and
independence in the child
One of the enduring issues that many
parents grapple with is the use of
corporal punishment, or caning.
According to a study released in
July and conducted by Elizabeth
Gershoff from the University of Texas,
the overwhelming evidence points
to spanking being a bad tool for
discipline. One of the main reasons
why caning or spanking is ineffective
is because “spanking does not convey
positive guidance on how to behave in
a particular situation, only how NOT
to behave if a threat of punishment is
at hand”.
A child is
defenceless
and corporal
punishment
does not explain
to the child
what he has
done wrong
and why.
Dr Tok reiterates this, stating that
“many children around the world
have been raised without the need
for physical punishment and they
have mostly turned out to be welladjusted adults”.
She explains, “Children need to learn
appropriate behaviours and to stop
inappropriate ones due to an inner
motivation and understanding to do
so, and not because they are afraid of
being hit! A child is defenceless and
corporal punishment does not explain
VS
PUNISHMENT
Often a physical intervention that
is t