Houston,
We Have A
Problem
Your once adorable
toddler can become totally
different once adolescence
strikes. Fret not, Dr Ian
Gordon Munt shares with
Family & Life the methods
that parents can use to
make sure their teenage
children grow up to be
well-adjusted adults.
By Dr Ian Gordon Munt
Ah, to be 16 again, at an age when everything seemed possible and our dreams
seemed limitless, unburdened by the heavy chains of reality and responsibility.
The first tentative steps into teenage-hood can be rather daunting, for both you
and your adolescent child. Suddenly, the cheerful, lovable kid morphs into a surly,
secretive teenager. While you grapple with this transformation, your teenage child is
also trying to get a grip on the physical and mental changes he or she is experiencing.
Your soon-to-be-adult child still has a lot of growing up to do, and from now until
that time, you as a parent are in the best position to guide him or her to become a
responsible human being.
Don’t be
surprised and
angry if your
teenage child
has the audacity
to question
some of your
decisions.
RELATIONSHIP AND SEX ISSUES
Dealing With the First Relationship
One of the features of adolescence
is that your child will start to show
greater interest in people outside of
their family and might want to have
an adult relationship with another
individual. This is a good sign, and not
the time to press the panic button, as
it demonstrates that you have done a
fantastic job in raising your child to be
a well-adjusted sociable person.
Be genuinely interested in his or her
friends, all the while keeping in mind
that adolescence is also a time when
he or she will begin valuing privacy
more and more. If you have never
displayed any prior interest in his or
her friends, suddenly wanting to know
where your child is going and who
else is going might seem to him or
her like you are spying.
Of course, if your teenage child is
dating someone, it is within your
rights and responsibilities to know
who he or she is seeing. However,
that does not mean giving the
person the third degree!
Also, set reasonable rules about
dating such as the curfew time
and stress to your child the need
to maintain grades and healthy
relationships with the rest of his or
her friends and family.
The First Break-Up
The ending of a first love may be
an especially difficult time for your
teenage children and it will not be the
last time they will be facing heartache
and disappointment.
Most of the time, they will not want
to discuss it with you but there’s
absolutely nothing to worry about as
teenagers are extremely resilient
by nature. One day, they could be
moping and miserable and the next
day, they could be gushing over their
new love.
That’s not to say that you should
dismiss your teenage child’s breakup as a trivial matter. Adolescence
can be an emotional time, so be
prepared for sudden mood swings,
but you should be especially
concerned if this period of change
lasts for an extended period – over
two weeks.
Let’s Talk About Sex
Think back to how you learned about
sex – would you like your children to
learn the same way as you? Perhaps
you might have learned it from
the pages of a magazine or from
your friends, and you would prefer
teaching them yourself but you’re
not sure how.
A good place you can start from are
news reports or television shows.
Instead of being embarrassed when
the television shows sex, take this
opportunity to broach the topic with
your teenage child.
Although you might be tempted to
leave your teenager’s sex education
to his or her school, there is some
debate as to the effectiveness of
the human relationship and sex
education courses, especially in
influencing behaviour. Also, it is
always good to keep in touch with
the topics being discussed in school.
Who knows, with the increased
access to the Internet during this
day and age, your teenager might
even be able to tell you something
about sex that you don’t know!
COMMUNICATION
Communicating With Your Teen
Although our teenage children
might now seem to be more
interested in hanging out with their
friends instead of with you, the
strong bond between parent and
child can still remain, as long as it is
constantly nurtured.
Keeping the lines of communication
open with your teenager is as
simple as getting involved in their
lives without being intrusive. Take
the effort to discover what your
child likes and dislikes, what makes
him or her tick, and the ambitions
or dreams that he or she harbours.
Being interested in your teenage
children’s thoughts and activities
is the simplest way to remain an
active participant in their lives.
Building the Foundations of Trust
Adolescence is a learning period
for not only you but your child as
well, and missteps will occur every
so often.
As much as possible, even though
it can be tempting at times, refrain
from telling your teenage children
“I told you so!” when they take a
wrong turn. Instead, guide them to
the right path again and converse
with them like how you would speak
to an adult.
In the early stages of adolescence,
it is imperative that you keep a tight
rein on your child without treating
them like a toddler. This can be
achieved by:
• Setting rules and boundaries,
and ensuring that this are
consistent, transparent and fairly
applied
• Taking the time to explain to
them the reasoning behind your
decisions and hearing their side
of the story
As your teenage child grows older
and displays signs of budding
maturity, gradually give them
increased responsibilities such as a
later curfew time and more pocket
money. Give them the occasional
treat if they do well!
Don’t be surprised and angry if your
teenage child has the audacity to
question some of your decisions.
Communicating with an adolescent
involves a lot more negotiation and
compromise. Yo H\