Family & Life talks to Ms Fadzilah Kamsin, Child Life Specialist, Department of
Paediatrics, National University Hospital about the healthy siblings of unwell
children. For the full interview, visit familyandlife.sg.
Why must you pay attention to the
healthy siblings of sick children?
When a family has a child with
chronic illness, life changes for
the family. Parents may tend to
give extra attention to an ill child
and may overlook that they are
neglecting or creating unfair
expectations for their healthy
children. Healthy siblings can
be become invisible unless they
demand attention.
Therefore, sometimes healthy
siblings wish that they were sick
so that they can become the centre
of the family’s attention.
Never ever tell a parent with a
sick child that you understand
how you feel, because you don’t.
Instead, just do your best to
give kindness, compassion and
patience in ways that they need
it, and not in the way you
think they should...
board of the organisation when she
was given the opportunity.
“I had made special arrangements
to stay closer to Nikhil, five minutes
away in fact, when he was warded.
For other not-so-fortunate families,
being far away from their sick child
is not an option that anyone would
choose. Yet, they have to grapple with
the daily commute to the hospital
on top of the mental anguish and
financial concerns. It genuinely is
too much for anyone to handle,” says
Amita.
The recently established Ronald
McDonald House (RMH), situated
within the grounds of the National
University Hospital, is that loving
bridge between a sick child and his
or her family. It provides shelter and
a cosy place to stay for up to eight
parents at any one time so that they
will always be within arm’s reach of
their brood. After all, love from the
family is a powerful medicine – one
that Amita strongly believes in.
She understands, more than most
people, the torrid times that a parent
goes through when his or her child
is struck down by illness, and knows
that the suffering each parent is
subjected to is unique. “Even if you
had a sick child, each situation is
different. Never ever tell a parent
with a sick child that you understand
how you feel, because you don’t.
Instead, just do your best to give
kindness, compassion and patience
in ways that they need it, and not in
the way you think they should,” says
Amita.
Other children may resent the
additional responsibility. They
might feel angry when they are
asked to do more household
chores, then feel guilty that they
feel this way.
These negative emotional
experiences will have an adverse
impact on their total well-being.
Therefore, parents have to be
aware of what the healthy siblings
are going through so that they can
address the issues before they
unfold.
On the other hand, the presence
of a family member with a chronic
illness provides opportunities for
increased empathy, responsibility,
adaptability and creativity. Healthy
siblings can participate and help
their sibling with his or her
chronic illness. Healthy
children in these situations
generally become
compassionate and
empathetic individuals
who will appreciate
their life, health and family.
Acknowledge their kindness and
support, and let them know how
much you appreciate them.
What can parents do when their
other children are suffering from
distress over their sick siblings?
Parents may not be able to take
away the source of their child’s
distress but they can help alleviate
it and make them feel secure and
cared for through these ways.
Keep it “normal” as much as
possible. Try to treat your children
equally. Keep to existing rules and
enforce them to minimise jealousy
and guilt. Try to maintain a normal
schedule of activities and try not to
rely on healthy kids as caregivers
before they are ready so that they
can keep to their typical routines.
It’s OK to have fun. Having fun
can relieve stress and rejuvenate
your energy. Let your children
spend time with friends and family
without focusing on the illness. Do
also set aside individual time with
your healthy children where the
focus is on their lives other than
their sibling’s illness.
Keeping the lines of
communication open. Give
attention to the healthy siblings’
emotions and needs. Encourage
them to talk about their feelings.
The more opportunities the
children have to express their
emotions, the less
emotional turmoil
and fewer
behavioural
problems they
are likely to
surface.
She continues, “The RMH can serve
as their home away from home, where
Include siblings
they can seek shelter and comfort
in the care and
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while being as close as possible
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Oct 2013 • Family & Life
17