THE LEGAL WRITING
CORNER
Writing with Clarity and Concision – Part II
By Jennifer Cook , Denitsa Mavrova Heinrich , and Jenny Samarzja
“ A sentence should contain no unnecessary words , a paragraph no unnecessary sentences , for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines , and a machine no unnecessary parts .” 1
In our last column , we introduced four quick tips to make your writing clear and concise . Keep subjects , verbs , and objects together . Use possessives . Replace nominalizations with verbs when possible . And last , less is more . Let ’ s pick up right where we left off and expand on the “ less is more ” concept : To make your writing clear and concise , omit needless words .
It ’ s easy to take a simple sentence and turn it into a rambling mess . It ’ s harder to write or rewrite that sentence clearly and concisely . Writing with clarity and concision takes time and effort . It demands self-discipline and requires editing and revising — again and again — until the meaning is clear and the point is made in as few words as possible . But the final product is worth the work . Here is why . Eliminating needless words increases reading speed , enhances clarity , and improves impact . 2 Concision makes the writing easier to read and digest . Concise writing is also more likely to be read . Concision reduces ambiguity and the risk of misinterpretation . Fewer words mean fewer mistakes . Concision adds power . It packs a punch . When writing concisely , both you and your audience benefit .
Take this example from the Code of Federal Regulations :
It is not necessary than an investment adviser ’ s compensation be paid directly by the person receiving investment advisory services , but only that the investment adviser receive compensation from some source for his or her services . 3
At 35 words , the sentence is not overly long . But it can be shortened :
While the investment adviser must be paid , the payment ’ s source doesn ’ t matter . 4
At 12 words , the revision doesn ’ t sacrifice the meaning . But the revision ’ s omission of needless words and phrases increases reading speed and improves the writing ’ s clarity and impact . Imagine the difference this approach can make sentence after sentence , paragraph after paragraph .
Here is a longer example , at 52 words :
Plaintiff has wholly failed to allege facts that , if true , would establish that competition among the nation ’ s law schools would be reduced or that the public has been in any way injured , and this failure to allege facts that would establish an injury to competition warrants the dismissal of her restraint-of-trade claim . 5
The sentence wanders , and its essence gets lost in unnecessary words . For enhanced clarity and greater impact , get to the point faster with just 31 words :
Plaintiff has not alleged facts that , if true , would establish either public injury or reduced competition among the nation ’ s law schools . Therefore , her restraint-of-trade claim should be dismissed . 6
So how do you decide what words and phrases to omit ? First , eliminate wordy prepositional phrases , unneeded repetition , and needless modifiers . 7 For example :
WORDY PHRASES In accordance with = by , under
UNNEEDED REPETITION Ask the question = ask
In order to ( for ) = to ( for ) General consensus = consensus
In the event that = if The area of contract law = contract law
Due to the fact that = because At that point in time = then
Past history = history Future planning = planning
Another way to spot wordy prepositional phrases is to watch for phrases that contain “ of .” And when you find them , simplify them :
For the purpose of = to An adequate number of = enough During the course of = during
You can also omit needless modifiers , such as “ very big ” or “ rather unusual .” “ Big ” and “ unusual ” suffice . Last , “ throat-clearing ” phrases like “ It is important to note ,” “ It is essential to point out ,” or “ It is obvious that ” never add independent meaning to a sentence . Eliminate them .
Second , uncover buried verbs . Nominalizations , which we discussed in our last column , are a good example of buried verbs . “ Made a decision ” hides decided , for instance . But other nouns can do the
Jennifer Cook , Denitsa Mavrova Heinrich , and Jenny Samarzja are faculty members in the Lawyering Skills Program at the University of North Dakota School of Law .
26 THE GAVEL