I WILL NOT DIE,
BUT LIVE!
By Cynthia Newell
This explained the excruciating abdomen and back pain
as well as the vomiting fits and burning sensation in my
stomach. The malignant tumor was bleeding and caused
severe anemia. I never had energy to do anything.
Faith. What is faith? We hear
varying descriptions of this wordbelief in the unseen, trust in a
higher power - my favorite
definition is Hebrews 11 which
states, “Now faith is confidence in
what we hope for and assurance
about what we do not see. (NIV)
Faith is an internal spring of life
that gets us through the most
challenging things. Whether it is a
sick child, not knowing how you
will pay rent to trusting your
dreams will become reality, faith is
a rock of salvation, and it rescues
us from the pit of oppression and
delivers us from meditating on
unlikely circumstances. Faith is an
invitation to desire greater, believe
greater and become greater.
A few months ago I was diagnosed
with stage 3 colon cancer. Cancer!
Though I’m cancer free now, the diagnosis terrified me.
I thought, “People die from cancer! I can’t die; I have so
much living to do and a 6 month old baby. Envisioning
my three children sitting on the front pew of a church at
my funeral & wondering if my grandson would
remember me saddened me. Questions like, “Who
would raise my baby? How will my older girls do with
me gone? How would they manage?” horrified me. I
declared “I will not die, but live!” I made the decision
that no matter how bleak things looked I was going to
fight for my life. If the cancer had spread, I was going to
fight. If I needed chemotherapy or radiation, I was
going to fight. I drew strength from my faith and found
hope in my heart.
Having never faced this type of health crisis it was
important that I look to God. I reached out to family for
prayer, encouragement and emotional support. I read &
meditated on John 11:4 & Isaiah 53:5. I listened to
inspirational songs, my favorite, “Let Your Power Fall”
by James Fortune and talked to friends. Solely focusing
on life and living gave me peace.
Life happens yet we are not built to break. We are
going to experience situations that will make us feel
overwhelmed. In moments of obscurity, choose faith.
Choose to believe that everything will ultimately be just
fine even when nothing outwardly supports this belief.
If you need to cry, cry! If you struggle to find inner
peace, feel what you feel but don’t get stuck there, find
an outlet. Faith is not allowing what we
see to determine what we believe.
FAITH HEART MAGAZINE I 35