‘Are we making Godly decisions
ourselves? Are we Spirit-filled,
guided by His word and communicating what we understand in
a way that encourages our children to follow in our footsteps?’
Ephesians 6:1-3 ‘Children, obey
your parents in the Lord, for this
is right. “Honor your father and
mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that
it may go well with you and that
you may live long in the land.’
Wouldn’t it be great if our youngsters adhered to such wisdom?
Such admonitions as, ‘You’re
grounded’,’ Don’t you dare
speak to me like that’,’ No you
cannot go on holiday with your
boyfriend’ and ‘Your grades are
below standard’, would never
have to be uttered. We could
confidently send our children off
into the wild world knowing their
sense of duty and desire to be
obedient was strong and had no
intention of going ‘off the rails’.
Proverbs 22:6 ‘Train up a child
in the way he should go; even
when he is old he will not depart
from it.’
As quoted, scriptures on childrearing and parenting can seem
counter-cultural to modern views
of free-will. So with numerous
worldly influences that fly in the
face of Christian values, what
hope do we as parents have to
ensure our children will keep
to the ‘narrow road’? How do
we challenge some behaviours
without being too controlling
which will crush their spirit or
increase a rebellious attitude?
Does allowing complete freedom
of expression and a ‘let them
find their own way’ approach
give the enemy free reign to cor-
rupt young minds not yet strong
enough to fight for themselves?
And does that say ‘We don’t care
enough to challenge their wrong
decisions?’
What is your experience? Having
five children from eighteen to
twenty-five, I have to confess,
my parenting has not always
been a resounding success and
as a teenager I too would not
have responded well to such
wisdom either!
James 1:5 ”‘If any of you lacks
wisdom, you should ask God,
who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be
given to you.’
God knows our parenting will
need a lot of help and if we put
this vital responsibility and privilege into His hands, we can learn
to cultivate a loving environment
within a home of mutual respect.
Psalms 127:3-5 ‘Behold, children are a heritage from the
LORD, the fruit of the womb a
reward. Like arrows in the hand
of a warrior are the children of
one’s youth. Blessed is the man
who fills his quiver with them! He
shall not be put to shame when
he speaks with his enemies in
the gate.’
Children truly are a blessing
from God; but family conflict can
steal these blessings, creating
a very different reality. Through
relevant scriptures and the Holy
Spirit’s guidance, we learn how
to respond and show our sons
and daughters that we love
them, even if their behaviour
is not loveable or acceptable.
Ignoring their behaviour, losing
our tempers, or rejecting them
are definitely not the best strategies!
Ephesians 6:4 ‘Fathers, do not
provoke your children to anger,
but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.’
Colossians 3:21 ‘Fathers, do not
provoke your children, lest they
become discouraged.’
I learned the hard way that being
an authoritarian parent fractures
relationships. When my son was
aged fourteen, he and I had a
serious argument, I insisted he
did things my way and used all
the power of my position as his
father to bend my son’s will to
my own. He glared at me like
a trapped animal and said ‘I
hate you!’ with such intensity I
was devastated, and suddenly
realised what I was doing was
wrong. My heart was broken
and I knew I had to humble
myself and break through the
barrier my strictness had built
between us. I reached out to
him and told him I was sorry and
that I loved him; we both broke
down and cried together. He too
realised he had been provoking
me for some time with his challenging remarks and behaviour,
and I thank God that His grace
intervened, because we have
never allowed a disagreement
between us to get that heated
again and we now have a loving
and respectful relationship.
From that painful lesson, I am
gradually learning to give him
and his four sisters’ time and
space to put their side of a dispute and room to disagree, as
long as they are respectful. Of
course, there have been many
times when they have tried to
grab a mile when I have given