Strategies to share with parents
during periods of separation anxiety
It is never easy to leave a child for the first time and, as early years practitioners, we are often part of
this first for families. How the child reacts will vary, however there will always be some children who
suffer from separation anxiety. However, this is a normal part of
development. Before the age of 6 months children are unaware
of changes in carers, as long as their needs are taken care
of they are content. After 6 months children begin to
understand the concept of object permanence (that
when an object is not in sight it still exists) as well as
distinguishing between people and forming a stronger
attachment to their primary care givers. These three
occurances together can cause separation anxiety.
Although this can be quite upsetting for all involved it is
actually a positive sign that children are attached to their
care givers and this positive attachment will allow them to
flourish in the future. Until this time there are some strategies you can share with parents to calm the
children’s anxiety.
1. Prepare the child – For a child to trust that their primary care giver will return, they need to build trust and see that
when the adult says that they will do something that they follow through with their promise. Ensure that you let
children know a few days in advance if something, such as going to nursery, is coming up and give an explanation
no matter what the age of the child as children understand a lot more than we give them credit for, as well as
picking things up from our tone of voice and emotions we use.
2. Create a sense of anticipation – Emphasize the fun the child will have at nursery. Don’t be scared to acknowledge
the child’s anxiety e.g. “you’re going to have so much fun at nursery, it is ok if you miss me. You can tell Miss Rachel
all about it and she will give you a hug if you like.”
3. Always say good-bye – It is easier to adapt to a separation if the child sees the care giver leave. It can be tempting to
allow parents to sneak out, however this will undermine the child’s sense of security, instead create a goodbye ritual
to aid the transition. This familiarity will help the child to feel comfortable.
4. Offer familiarity – Allow time for children to become familiar with their surroundings, a settling in period where
children first spend time in the setting with their care givers then moving onto slowly extended periods of time
independently. If it helps, bring along a security object or two e.g. a soft toy or blanket. These items may provide a
sense of safety and connection to home. Transitional objects help young children feel more confident as they shift
from being completely dependent upon their parents to being individuals.
5. Engage with negative emotions - It's normal and healthy for children to cry when their primary care giver leaves so
there is no need to discourage it. It is an important emotional foundation for children to become aware of and how
to express their emotions. Care givers should be encouraged to give their child a hug, tell them they love them, and
hand him over to the practitioner. Prolonging the departure will only prolong the upset.