Psychology
improves. Otherwise child will get used to rewards and will only behave well when rewarded. Always reward ' good ' behaviour and ignore ' bad ' one Your reaction to child ' s behaviour must be consistent. It is unacceptable to reward good behaviour, but also ignore it, or to ignore bad behaviour, but also punish for it. If this is the case your child will never behave well. When using this approach your child may continue behaving badly or the behaviour may worsen. Parent should not be scared of this, but continue with the approach. Step 5: Once your child ' s behaviour improves treat him naturally. Some behavioural problems and how to manage them Holding one ' s breath and turning blue
One of the most common behavioural problems in small children is getting frustrated when crying and holding his / her breath, thus turning blue. Child turns blue, as the pause to breathe inbetween hiccups is long. Holding one ' s breath is most common for children aged 1 to 4. Child can hold his / her breath up to 10 minutes or more, in which case he / she will turn blue, faint or have convulsions. This may scare the parent, as it resembles an epileptic fit. There is no reason to worry, as these involuntary convulsions have nothing to do with epileptic fits. Children use this method to manipulate parents and to achieve what they want. In this situation child uses parent ' s fear and anxiety as a tool to get what he / she wants. Best way is to prevent this behaviour immediately as it starts and not to allow it to reach the level where child holds his / her breath. Because holding one ' s breath causes panic, whilst holding more breath causes even more panic.
Make sure child understands that this behaviour does not benefit him: ' you will end this, my son ' etc.
Remember that holding breath is child ' s way to control you, to fight for his / her independence and to find out your attitude towards various cases. Aggressive behaviour Aggressive behaviour is caused( added to the above mentioned) by certain triggers, environment etc. Children can be ' infected ' by aggression from others ju st like they can be of measles. If we are surrounded by people who constantly shout and argue, we accept this as normal behaviour and behave this way as well. If we live with aggression, we learn to be aggressive.
Ability to use distraction method is very important in solving the problem of aggression. Best ways to distract aggressive children are painting with fingers, playing with water, sand or play dough. Recommendation on how to behave with aggressive children:
- Do not create an environment for aggressive behaviour: try to see when it might happen and distract the child.- Do not be aggressive with aggressive children- Make no room for boredom: a child who has nothing to do will be mischievous
- Do not reward aggressive behaviour. Ignore it if you can. If you cannot ignore it, be serious and strict. Do not pay attention to child when he / she is being aggressive.
- Have rules for sharing when you are together. Whose turn is it to cycle? Which TV programme are we going to watch? Take turns in choosing. Rules make no room for arguments.
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- Be quick and smart when dealing with a mischievous child.
- Help your child to succeed. Healthy child with self-respect and confidence has no need to be aggressive.
- Show your child that he / she will not achieve what they want by being aggressive. Show him / her that polite behaviour brings quicker and more positive results.
- Be a good example. Do not shout or criticize. Child may repeat your behaviour.
- Be soft, but do not forget to say ' No '. This is a very effective small word. But be clear in what you are trying to say when saying ' No '. Some recommendations for anger management:- Show your child you are angry if you must. Love and anger are opposite sides of one coin.- Accept that your child will sometimes make you angry.- Give your child a strict warning if you can. Do not feel guilty when doing this.
- Do not damage child ' s personality and do not use sentences like ' you are an awful, misbehaved little coward '. Children may take these words seriously.
- When everything is over, say: ' I was really angry, wasn ' t I?' These words clarify the situation and show that it will not happen every day. Talking about this makes one big truth very clear to the child: the anger is not permanent and does not mean the end of your love for the child.
- Show your child what can make you angry. This may be dirty bedroom, being rude to guests, eating untidily etc. It is very important for the child to know all the reasons that can make you angry. Headstrong and Stubborn children Stubbornness start at about 18 months of age and continues until child is 3.5 or 4 years old. Most stubborn period is 2.5-3 years of age. Boys are usually more headstrong than girls. Girls, however, are stubborn.
It is important for each child to go through this period. These behaviours form the foundation of child ' s future strong will, sense of self and personality. However, if child continues to be headstrong and stubborn after the age of 4, most probably, he / she is manipulating others via a ' proven ' method. As a result, it is very important for parents to respond correctly:
- Do not pay too much attention to child ' s stubborn behaviour. See it as a necessity
- Be with your child when he / she has ' fits ' of stubbornness. Child needs to feel that you understand him / her.
- Child needs ' audience ' when being hysterical and stubborn. Do not run for help to those around you. Do not say: ' See, what a bad child, oh!', as this is exactly what the child wants.
- Do not try to suggest anything during these fits. It is useless. It is not useful to talk. Beating the child brings more stress.
- Even if child shows hysterical behaviour in a public place, do not surrender to it. There is only one way in this situation- take your child ' s hand and walk away from there!
- Try to be cunning: ' I have such an interesting toy!', ' See what the crow is doing behind the window '- these methods can interest and draw attention of your child.
- Take child ' s behaviour seriously. Do not change your mind if you said ' NO '. Stealing There are several reasons for child ' s stealing: learning from others, trying to look like an adult, being angry at someone, taking revenge, trying to acquire what he / she does not have etc.
What should parents do if they know / feel that their child has stolen something? There are several rules parents must take into account in this situation:
- Create your personal system of rights and wrongs. If your child has taken another child ' s toy or money from your wallet, you have to say ' put it back '.
- Believe your child. Give him / her a task where he / she
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