Psychology
improves . Otherwise child will get used to rewards and will only behave well when rewarded . Always reward ' good ' behaviour and ignore ' bad ' one Your reaction to child ' s behaviour must be consistent . It is unacceptable to reward good behaviour , but also ignore it , or to ignore bad behaviour , but also punish for it . If this is the case your child will never behave well . When using this approach your child may continue behaving badly or the behaviour may worsen . Parent should not be scared of this , but continue with the approach . Step 5 : Once your child ' s behaviour improves treat him naturally . Some behavioural problems and how to manage them Holding one ' s breath and turning blue
One of the most common behavioural problems in small children is getting frustrated when crying and holding his / her breath , thus turning blue . Child turns blue , as the pause to breathe inbetween hiccups is long . Holding one ' s breath is most common for children aged 1 to 4 . Child can hold his / her breath up to 10 minutes or more , in which case he / she will turn blue , faint or have convulsions . This may scare the parent , as it resembles an epileptic fit . There is no reason to worry , as these involuntary convulsions have nothing to do with epileptic fits . Children use this method to manipulate parents and to achieve what they want . In this situation child uses parent ' s fear and anxiety as a tool to get what he / she wants . Best way is to prevent this behaviour immediately as it starts and not to allow it to reach the level where child holds his / her breath . Because holding one ' s breath causes panic , whilst holding more breath causes even more panic .
Make sure child understands that this behaviour does not benefit him : ' you will end this , my son ' etc .
Remember that holding breath is child ' s way to control you , to fight for his / her independence and to find out your attitude towards various cases . Aggressive behaviour Aggressive behaviour is caused ( added to the above mentioned ) by certain triggers , environment etc . Children can be ' infected ' by aggression from others ju st like they can be of measles . If we are surrounded by people who constantly shout and argue , we accept this as normal behaviour and behave this way as well . If we live with aggression , we learn to be aggressive .
Ability to use distraction method is very important in solving the problem of aggression . Best ways to distract aggressive children are painting with fingers , playing with water , sand or play dough . Recommendation on how to behave with aggressive children :
- Do not create an environment for aggressive behaviour : try to see when it might happen and distract the child . - Do not be aggressive with aggressive children - Make no room for boredom : a child who has nothing to do will be mischievous
- Do not reward aggressive behaviour . Ignore it if you can . If you cannot ignore it , be serious and strict . Do not pay attention to child when he / she is being aggressive .
- Have rules for sharing when you are together . Whose turn is it to cycle ? Which TV programme are we going to watch ? Take turns in choosing . Rules make no room for arguments .
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- Be quick and smart when dealing with a mischievous child .
- Help your child to succeed . Healthy child with self-respect and confidence has no need to be aggressive .
- Show your child that he / she will not achieve what they want by being aggressive . Show him / her that polite behaviour brings quicker and more positive results .
- Be a good example . Do not shout or criticize . Child may repeat your behaviour .
- Be soft , but do not forget to say ' No '. This is a very effective small word . But be clear in what you are trying to say when saying ' No '. Some recommendations for anger management : - Show your child you are angry if you must . Love and anger are opposite sides of one coin . - Accept that your child will sometimes make you angry . - Give your child a strict warning if you can . Do not feel guilty when doing this .
- Do not damage child ' s personality and do not use sentences like ' you are an awful , misbehaved little coward '. Children may take these words seriously .
- When everything is over , say : ' I was really angry , wasn ' t I ?' These words clarify the situation and show that it will not happen every day . Talking about this makes one big truth very clear to the child : the anger is not permanent and does not mean the end of your love for the child .
- Show your child what can make you angry . This may be dirty bedroom , being rude to guests , eating untidily etc . It is very important for the child to know all the reasons that can make you angry . Headstrong and Stubborn children Stubbornness start at about 18 months of age and continues until child is 3.5 or 4 years old . Most stubborn period is 2.5-3 years of age . Boys are usually more headstrong than girls . Girls , however , are stubborn .
It is important for each child to go through this period . These behaviours form the foundation of child ' s future strong will , sense of self and personality . However , if child continues to be headstrong and stubborn after the age of 4 , most probably , he / she is manipulating others via a ' proven ' method . As a result , it is very important for parents to respond correctly :
- Do not pay too much attention to child ' s stubborn behaviour . See it as a necessity
- Be with your child when he / she has ' fits ' of stubbornness . Child needs to feel that you understand him / her .
- Child needs ' audience ' when being hysterical and stubborn . Do not run for help to those around you . Do not say : ' See , what a bad child , oh !', as this is exactly what the child wants .
- Do not try to suggest anything during these fits . It is useless . It is not useful to talk . Beating the child brings more stress .
- Even if child shows hysterical behaviour in a public place , do not surrender to it . There is only one way in this situation - take your child ' s hand and walk away from there !
- Try to be cunning : ' I have such an interesting toy !', ' See what the crow is doing behind the window ' - these methods can interest and draw attention of your child .
- Take child ' s behaviour seriously . Do not change your mind if you said ' NO '. Stealing There are several reasons for child ' s stealing : learning from others , trying to look like an adult , being angry at someone , taking revenge , trying to acquire what he / she does not have etc .
What should parents do if they know / feel that their child has stolen something ? There are several rules parents must take into account in this situation :
- Create your personal system of rights and wrongs . If your child has taken another child ' s toy or money from your wallet , you have to say ' put it back '.
- Believe your child . Give him / her a task where he / she
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