Estate, Pre-Planning, and Sympathy Guide
2C Monday, Feb. 27, 2017
Estate, Pre-Planning, and Sympathy Guide
Your last wishes – it’ s up to you
True enough, once you’ ve passed on you won’ t be able to decide how you’ re remembered. But it is possible to establish while you’ re still in this life whether you want to be buried or cremated, and have a religious funeral or a small private memorial service.
In fact, it is increasingly common to record your wishes for your funeral in a contractual document that covers burial, cremation, donating your body to science, or donating your organs and tissues for transplants. Your wishes for the unfolding of your own funeral can also be outlined in detail in this document – you just have to be sure to mention its existence to your loved ones. Don’ t include these provisions in your will, which is intended to deal with financial and custodial matters only.
To ensure that everything goes the way you want in the days following your death, you can enter into a prearranged funeral service and burial contract with a funeral director. By paying these fees during your lifetime, you will avoid them being billed to your estate, thus helping to ease any difficulties for your loved ones.
Taking these steps can allow you to enjoy the last years of your life with peace of mind. With no document or contract stating your wishes, it will fall to your loved ones to decide on funeral arrangements after your death.
Without a document that outlines your wishes, your funeral arrangements will have to be made by your loved ones.
Rituals help us reconcile with a loss
Every religion and every culture has its own particular rituals surrounding death. Of course, there may be some pretty big differences between them, but many elements are similar, starting with the need to try and make sense of the loss.
The main goal of a funeral is to bring people together who were close to the person who has passed away. This allows mourners to share their suffering and distress with people who are feeling the same emotions. And even if they fail to find an explanation for their ordeal, they can feel comforted by their common quest. Whatever form these rites take, they allow relatives to internalize the reality that they must now forgo the presence of the loved one.
Indeed, expressing grief about the loss is another common denominator of funeral rites from one religion to another. In contemporary society, death seems to be taboo. Abbreviated funerals, skipping the wake, or avoiding a funeral all together are more common than ever.
But psychologists tell us that distancing ourselves from the rituals surrounding the death of a loved one is merely an attempt to deny death itself. It is important to gather and to mark the passing of a loved one in some way.
Fortunately, today, many funeral homes allow relatives to live this important stage of grief to the full in a way that suits their needs and the personality of their lost loved one. Whether it includes a memorial service, a lively gathering, special music, or a subdued religious service, it is possible for a funeral to be entirely consistent with the values of the deceased and those left behind.
Whatever a family’ s religion or culture, a funeral brings people together who were close to the deceased.
Time alone doesn’ t heal everything
When someone dies, friends often tell the bereaved that time will heal all. In fact, that is not the case for many people.
Psychotherapists say that how a person expresses and shares his or her grief is a determining factor in how they will cope with their loss in the long term.
The shared mourning of a funeral, for example, can help a person move on from the initial stages of grieving. Despite having lost a loved one, it is possible for mourners to regain the taste for life, and being together in their time of grief can be a reminder of that possibility.
The path to achieve this kind of hope is long and consumes a great deal of energy, as losing a loved one destabilizes the bereaved in many ways. There is much emotional upset, including sadness, anger, guilt, and anxiety.
Other disturbances affect thought processes, leaving people confused, unable to concentrate, and full of doubt. The bereaved may also experience physical disorders, including trembling, headaches, and dizziness, or behavioural changes, such as sleep disorders or hyperactivity.
Given all these upsets, it is clear that mourning is more than a transient state of being that resolves itself over time. We have to work through the physical loss and the loss of the future we had imagined with our loved one.
After the death of someone who brought meaning to our lives, we inevitably find ourselves faced with profound questions about the meaning of life.
The goal of themourning process is certainly not to return to the past, which would be impossible. It is, rather, to reconnect with the simple pleasures of life, in tribute to the departed and to life, itself. For many, this is the challenge.
Grieving is more than a transient state of being that resolves itself over time.
Navigating the funeral process
Submitted by Better Business Bureau of MN and ND
At an average cost between $ 7,000 and $ 10,000, funerals are one of the more expensive arrangements people make. During such an emotionally charged time, loved ones or caretakers of the deceased can get lost in the details and expenses involved with planning a funeral. Better Business Bureau of Minnesota and North Dakota ®( BBB) offers some direction for navigating the funeral process.
“ Discussions of funeral arrangements and designating one’ s personal wishes are never easy to have, but these are the conversations that can help transform a time of mourning into a time of celebration,” said Dana Badgerow, president and CEO of BBB of Minnesota and North Dakota.
Many funeral homes offer a variety of package plans that include products and services that are chosen most often by the bereaved. But no packages are obligatory and it’ s important to take the time, even though time to make these decisions may be short, to find the individual products and services that best serve your needs and the needs of loved ones and the deceased.
One way to remove some of the questions that arise when one passes is to have a plan outlining some choices in advance. This makes things easier for those left behind and also takes the wishes of the deceased into account.
The National Funeral Directors Association offers a“ Bill of Rights for Funeral Preplanning”( nfda. org / planning-a-funeral / preplanning. html) that its members follow. Though you don’ t have to prepay for a funeral in order to preplan one, there may be financial benefits to doing so.
As you begin to explore your options, it’ s important to carefully weigh the benefits and costs tied to each choice: traditional burial or cremation. Traditional funerals – where there’ s a burial and service – are the most popular, but can cost significantly more than cremation.
According to the Cremation Association of North America, the US cremation rate has nearly doubled in the past 15 years. The reason for the increase in the number of people choosing cremation over traditional burial could come down to cost, or because it gives families more flexibility when planning a memorial service, or
simply due to the wishes of the deceased. Whether you’ re looking at a traditional burial or cremation, The Funeral Rule, which is enforced by the Federal Trade Commission, offers consumers many protections:
• You can choose the funeral goods and services that you want( with some exceptions). You do not have to accept a package that may include items you do not want.
• You may receive price information on the telephone if you ask for it. You don’ t have to give them your name, address, or telephone number first. Although they are not required to do so, many funeral homes mail their price lists, and some post them online.
• You’ re entitled to a written statement from the funeral home describing any legal cemetery or crematory requirement that requires you to buy particular funeral goods or services.
• You have the right to see a written casket price list before you see the actual caskets. Sometimes, detailed casket price information is included on the funeral home’ s General Price List. More often, though, it’ s provided on a separate casket price list. Get the price information before you see the caskets, so that you can ask about lower-priced products that may not be on display.
• The funeral provider must not refuse, or charge a fee, to handle a casket or urn that you bought elsewhere.
• A funeral provider who offers cremation must make alternative containers available.
BBB has free business reviews on more than 450 funeral service providers throughout Minnesota and North Dakota, available at bbb. org / search.
The mission of Better Business Bureau is to be the leader in building marketplace trust by promoting, through self-regulation, the highest standards of business ethics and conduct, and to instill confi dence in responsible businesses through programs of education and action that inform, assist and protect the general public. The BBB is open 8 a. m. to 5 p. m. Monday through Friday. Contact BBB at bbb. org or( 651) 699-1111, toll-free at 1-800-646-6222.
Chilson Funeral Home
Quality Monuments Competitively Priced
Darwin Monument 320-693-5902
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Darwinmonument. com
Johnson-McBride Chapel Glencoe 1-320-864-3737
Paul-McBride Chapel Lester Prairie 1-320-395-2513
Simple Cremation $ 1650.00
“ Celebrating Life”
Ever thought of visiting a funeral home?
Prearranging a funeral service is a process that requires a great deal of thought. And it involves a lot of important decisions that aren’ t always easy to make.
Finding out about the services offered by funeral homes in your area will help you make the right choices. Unless you have a family tradition of going to one specific funeral home, you can shop around for a place that resonates with your needs.
Before making your choice, contact several funeral homes and make appointments to speak with a sales associate or funeral director. Bear in mind that it’ s important for these professionals to provide you with clear answers to all your questions and that you feel comfortable in their presence.
In addition to getting information about the different services offered and the associated costs, you’ ll also learn more about how to proceed when a loved one dies and what documentation you’ ll have to deal with. Indeed, funeral arrangements involve a whole host of services that you’ ll need to decide on: burial or cremation; choice of urn or coffin; and type of funeral service.
Usually, funeral home services are not just limited to the funeral itself. Most can also provide support services for bereaved families, and informative documents that you can consult in order to make the best possible choices.
Don’ t wait until you’ re going through a difficult time in your life before inquiring about funeral arrangements. It’ s definitely one of those things that’ s best done now.