Dear Acu.
I have been chatting with this guy for over a year on at SL and another site. He wants to meet in person but, my family thinks its not a good idea. He keeps asking me and I don't want to hurt his feelings. He lives in India and I live in the US. He is much older then me also. I feel like we have become close but, I also know what people say about cyber relationships. Should I ignore all the negative stuff and go for it? Confused
I think your parents are wise to be concerned about your safety. Although meeting people
online is more common than it has been in the past, it is important that we are clear about the importance of safety when meeting face-to-face. I get the sense from your question that you would like to meet him but are not only concerned about what other
people think but whether or not this relationship would have value off-line.
With regards to the latter, it makes sense that once you establish a meaningful connection with someone online that you would want to meet face-to-face. A relationship cannot evolve in a manner that is healthy for our social and emotional well-being if it remains strictly online. These relationships often come to a place where the desire to connect with
each other in real time and space is inevitable. It does not mean it will happen with every person we meet but there will be those relationships where the connection becomes stagnant unless the relationship evolves. Its also important to consider that meeting face to face doesn’t mean that the relationship will maintain the level of intensity in real time either, but the only way to know is to meet!
This is true of ALL relationships – offline, online, romantic, plutonic, etc. The connection must MATURE as WE mature for the relationship to remain healthy and beneficial to our total life experience.
In your situation, it is likely significant travel will be necessary for you to connect making a casual meeting in a public place seem a small effort for the investment. I would say, however, that this is an appropriate and safe first step. Your safety is priceless! You
should both agree that if the initial meeting does not go well, you are both able accept
that and part ways. If it is you doing the traveling, be sure you have a plan for lodging
with the assumption you’ll keep that information private from your
online lover,