20 12 . Communication skills
PART I : POINTS OF DEPARTURE
12 . Communication skills
Aim . To establish elements of communication that can create a trusting environment for sharing and learning .
Survivors of GBV are usually hesitant to talk about their experience . Yet people often feel better when they have an opportunity to talk and be heard . Trying to suppress feelings or remain silent , or ignoring , avoiding or denying emotional sadness or pain , cause much stress and even physical discomfort . To begin with , a trusting environment that fosters a respectful relationship between the helper and the survivor is essential . The helper should take the lead by treating everyone , including the survivor , with respect and equality . Helpers are not welcome because they are called helpers : you must earn a survivor ’ s trust by your conduct . She must feel comfortable enough to risk being honest . Initially people will speak about their problems only in a superficial way .
It is important to make sure , even in this training , that everything said is strictly between members of the group and will not go outside the room .
When working with a survivor or with a group of survivors
• A good way to start is to explain why you chose to work in this area , and your cultural background . Describe what your culture ( s ) think ( s ) and say ( s ) about GBV .
• Be empathetic : communicate your wish to understand the survivor ’ s situation .
• Make eye contact , if that seems right , and give the survivor your full attention . Do not let yourself be distracted .
• Ask open-ended questions : they encourage therapeutic communication because the survivor must articulate in words what she wants to say .
• Respect the survivor ’ s values and personal space ; if she does not wish to share , do not insist .
• Ensure that she is comfortable with the space between you . Ask her for guidance on where you place yourself in the room .
• If you find she is hard to understand , involve a facilitator or cultural broker who can identify misunderstandings caused by cultural differences or translation .
• At all times be very sensitive so that the survivor feels as comfortable and safe as possible .
• Be sure that agreements made with the group or individual are understood . If necessary , repeat them in different ways to ensure that both of you have understood ; give the other person a chance to correct you in case you have misunderstood .
On listening
Listen to what the other person is saying ; use nonverbal communication as well . Ask your local facilitator for tips about cultural differences , then listen carefully to how the other person uses words when she describes her situation or problems and use her words rather than medical terms or your own . ‘ Listen ’ at different levels : to her words ; to the sound of her voice ; to her posture and body language ; to what she does not say ; to her silences . Absorb what she says , ‘ hear ’ her feelings . Though you listen with empathy and compassion , never assume that you know how a person feels .