20 12. Communication skills
PART I: POINTS OF DEPARTURE
12. Communication skills
Aim. To establish elements of communication that can create a trusting environment for sharing and learning.
Survivors of GBV are usually hesitant to talk about their experience. Yet people often feel better when they have an opportunity to talk and be heard. Trying to suppress feelings or remain silent, or ignoring, avoiding or denying emotional sadness or pain, cause much stress and even physical discomfort. To begin with, a trusting environment that fosters a respectful relationship between the helper and the survivor is essential. The helper should take the lead by treating everyone, including the survivor, with respect and equality. Helpers are not welcome because they are called helpers: you must earn a survivor’ s trust by your conduct. She must feel comfortable enough to risk being honest. Initially people will speak about their problems only in a superficial way.
It is important to make sure, even in this training, that everything said is strictly between members of the group and will not go outside the room.
When working with a survivor or with a group of survivors
• A good way to start is to explain why you chose to work in this area, and your cultural background. Describe what your culture( s) think( s) and say( s) about GBV.
• Be empathetic: communicate your wish to understand the survivor’ s situation.
• Make eye contact, if that seems right, and give the survivor your full attention. Do not let yourself be distracted.
• Ask open-ended questions: they encourage therapeutic communication because the survivor must articulate in words what she wants to say.
• Respect the survivor’ s values and personal space; if she does not wish to share, do not insist.
• Ensure that she is comfortable with the space between you. Ask her for guidance on where you place yourself in the room.
• If you find she is hard to understand, involve a facilitator or cultural broker who can identify misunderstandings caused by cultural differences or translation.
• At all times be very sensitive so that the survivor feels as comfortable and safe as possible.
• Be sure that agreements made with the group or individual are understood. If necessary, repeat them in different ways to ensure that both of you have understood; give the other person a chance to correct you in case you have misunderstood.
On listening
Listen to what the other person is saying; use nonverbal communication as well. Ask your local facilitator for tips about cultural differences, then listen carefully to how the other person uses words when she describes her situation or problems and use her words rather than medical terms or your own.‘ Listen’ at different levels: to her words; to the sound of her voice; to her posture and body language; to what she does not say; to her silences. Absorb what she says,‘ hear’ her feelings. Though you listen with empathy and compassion, never assume that you know how a person feels.