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When a survivor tells the helper her story
SAID ALOUD
When a survivor tells the helper her story
Aim. How to assist and prepare a survivor who wishes to tell her story.
PART II: THE TRAINING
Trainer. I will continue the story.
The Butterfly Woman asked the helper for advice. She said:“ What will become of me? Am I going insane? Is my life destroyed forever?” She described her state of mind.“ I feel so alone. It is dark inside. My heart and spirit are asleep. I have bad thoughts, nightmares, and I am afraid of everything. I get angry and yell at people. I do not recognise myself.
Others turn away from me. I am bad, dirty. Some days I do not want to live. I see no hope! Can I escape from this?”
The helper realised that the Butterfly Woman might be ready to tell her full story. The helper had asked before whether she would like to talk, but the Butterfly Woman had never been willing. The helper readied herself to listen, but needed to take certain precautions beforehand.
Do you recognise this situation? What do you do when a survivor opens up to you? In your society, how are the human rights conditions regarding the issues of GBV and how does a woman speak about her problems? How do you respond?
Then the Butterfly Woman began to think about what she should do with the terrible story she was living with. She had heard it was possible to report such things, but wanted first to talk with a helper, who could listen to her without criticism and would not say she had done anything wrong. She wanted to go in more detail into what had happened to her, hoping this might get it a bit off her mind. She did not know exactly how to do it, but decided that, when a helper next asked her if she wanted to talk, she would say that she did. In the past, she had always refused, and the helper had always mildly and gently accepted her response.
Now she felt more determined to say what happened. How they threw her around, insulted her, touched her, were violent, even that she was penetrated, by one and then many, and that they had laughed at her. She knows it will not be easy to talk about this, but she understands that it may have to be done, especially if she wants to report what happened.
Discussion. How to respond when a survivor decides to tell her story in detail.( 20 minutes.)
DISCUSSION
Do you recognise this situation? What do you do when a survivor opens up to you? In your society, how does a woman speak about her problems? How do you respond?
The helpers did ask and she started to talk – hesitantly, not coherently, sometimes in tears, sometimes shivering. The helper underlined that she was with her, would not tell anybody, would sit as close to her as she wanted, and that the Butterfly Woman could stop at any point. The helper let her talk, but confirmed she was listening, reminded her that she was safe, that she had been attacked and was not to blame, and that no one could take her dignity and pride from her.