98 When a survivor tells the helper her story
TO THE TRAINER
PART II: THE TRAINING
When a survivor tells the helper her story
Aim. How to assist and prepare a survivor who wishes to tell her story.
When a survivor wants to tell her complete story, the helper needs to listen well and prepare the survivor for what to expect. Taking into account a human rights-based approach, discuss with the participants why this is so important.
• Prepare a survivor for whom talking may be very hard, but is sometimes necessary.
• Support her while she talks, by allowing her to take breaks, digest and express her feelings.
• Help her stay in the here and now.
• Remind her that she can stop whenever she wants.
• Listen with a non-judgemental and supportive attitude.
• Guarantee the confidentiality of the conversation.
• Ask or try to ask how long the violent act was, how it ended and how she knew it was over.
• Underline that
• The assault was a crime committed against her, that she is innocent, and in pain.
• Most people who are exposed to such violence have strong reactions.
• Nothing the survivor did during the violence was wrong.
• Everything she did during the violence was to protect herself and stay alive.
• Allow her to talk about what should happen next, including whether she wants to report the assault.
• Bring closure to the story.
• Consider whether she will need more help after telling her story, including perhaps therapy.
Helpers should remember:
• Allow the survivor to tell her story, including how it ended.
• Help her to stay in the present and remember the rape is a memory and is not being relived.
• Let her tell her story in parts, using grounding exercises when necessary.
• Correct misconceptions linked to the memory( feelings of personal guilt, shame, dirtiness, unworthiness, and feelings that people, or men, cannot be trusted, etc.).
• Help her reconnect to the future, by making plans, acquiring skills, and rebuilding.
• Reach closure and talk about next steps( further support and help, reporting, etc.).
• The helper’ s role is to support a survivor, make her feel safe, and help her to restore her dignity; telling the story is not therapy.
DISCUSSION
Discussion. How to respond when a survivor indicates she wants to discuss her story in detail.
Ask the group to discuss how a helper can respond to the questions the Butterfly Woman asks, and how a human rights-based approach can make a difference.