is difficult to care for a child when you
can barely keep your head above water.
Try not to judge yourself too harshly
when you see your child’s disappointment
and anger, realising that the reason for
having the conversation is not to show
you up as a bad parent but rather to
bring closure and restoration to your
child.
SOME QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR
CHILD POST-DIVORCE
When life has returned to some sort of
routine after the divorce and your child
is used to the two different households,
the change in household income, the new
partners his parents may have, or the
new school he has to attend, it is a good
time to set aside a few hours to talk with
your child. Take him to a quiet place – go
for a walk or go out for lunch – and
gently ask some of the following
questions, taking care to listen
without judging, and not to
push when your child does
not want to talk.
• What was the hardest
part of our getting
divorced for you?
• What hurt you the
most?
• How do you feel
I failed you? How
do you feel your
mother/father
failed you?
• When did you
feel that you were
stuck in the middle
between us?
• Did you ever feel
that our divorce was
somehow your fault?
• What did you (emotionally
or physically) need from me
during the divorce that you did
not get?
• How did you understand our divorce?
• What made you angry?
• How do you feel now?
Divorce is an unfortunate part of our
society today, and many people go
through it. There are no easy answers or
quick fixes, but there are a few ways to
make the divorce process a little more
civil and less painful for the children. Here
are some websites that address this:
•• www.helpguide.org/mental/
children_divorce.htm
•• www.childrenanddivorce.com
•• www.aacap.org
•• www.dummies.com/how.../telling-
your-children-about-the-divorce.
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