D
ivorce is a life-changing,
traumatic event for all the
members of the family and often
for the extended family as well.
This article addresses how, after the
proverbial dust has settled, life goes on
for the children of divorced parents.
Children are incredibly adaptable,
and most children whose parents are
divorced will soon find a rhythm for their
new lives. They will be able to move past
the immediate pain and trauma of having
their parents separate. They are able to
carry on with school and sport, spend
time with friends and continue to grow
and thrive. But often their questions,
uncertainties, hidden dreams of a reunion
between their parents and their secret
question “Am I to blame in some way?”
are waylaid by the busyness of life and
the normal challenges that face children
growing up today. Parents and adults
need to take a moment to stop, look back
over the years since the divorce, and ask,
“How is my child doing?”
The experiences that happen in our
lives shape us for better or for worse.
Post-divorce adjustment normally takes
two years or more, depending on the
level of conflict and hostility between the
parents. It is good to reflect over these
experiences in order to extract meaning
out of the pain and to be aware of any
unresolved issues stemming from these
experiences, which are often traumatic
and painful in nature. Children look to
adults to help them make sense of the
world, and when their parents divorce,
they experience extreme uncertainty.
Everything that was “known” about
their world now comes into question.
They question their parents’ ability to
love them forever because there is now
evidence that members of their family
can stop loving another. Young children
question their role in the divorce, and
often place the blame at their own feet,
thinking that if they had just done this