6. Preparing for adulthood
(14 –
18 years)
Preparing a girl for womanhood
requires a lot of teaching in the years
from 14 to 18.
Rites of passage are needed to
make the leap. It does not happen
without help.
Work and responsibility are a
necessary part of training to become
an adult. They hold the reins of their
own life. Adulthood means escaping
from the prison of self and being part
of the big life.
You cannot form good relationships
until you are strong in your own right.
The age of 18 is not womanhood,
but the beginning thereof.
Hazards and helps: The five
big risk areas and how to
navigate them
1. Too sexy too soon
Mainstream media, half by accident,
half by intent, is making sex seem
compulsory for girls at increasingly
younger ages. It damages teen girls
by sexualising them when they are
not yet equipped or ready for it.
Young love is trashed by making
it performance-laden, shallow and
rushed. Girls are now more anxious
about their looks, clothes and fitting
in. Because this starts at a very young
age, we can make a big difference by
not having much or any television in
small children’s lives. We can choose
which magazines and other media to
buy. We can talk to our daughters and
foster an empowered and conscious
sense of their sexuality that is special
and personal – not a commodity. Girls’
magazines generally do more harm
than good. All the positive things you
do to give your daughter connections
and interests will set her free to have
a happy and enthusiastic sex life when
she is ready for it, and by her own
choice.
2. Mean girls
Bullying affects about one in five
children – it is far too common and
causes a lot of pain.
Stopping bullying requires change
in all three players: the victim, the
perpetrator and the bystanders.
Bystanders are often critical,
and your daughter can learn to be
so in order to prevent others from
being bullied. Cyberbullying has
become a problem because it can be
done at a distance. Dealing with it
involves shortening that distance by
communicating the hurt and concern
back to the perpetrator.
Adults need to know about bullying
and how to act when it occurs, but not
in a way that makes it worse. Calm,
friendly but determined action is the
best.
Some girl cultures are mean
because of the lack of love in that
demography. But fortunately there
are also plenty of girl cultures that are
healthy and supportive.
3. Bodies, weight and food
Both over-eating and under-eating are
growing problems for girls worldwide.
Dieting is actually not helpful in
losing weight, and, in fact, often
makes the problem worse.
Fat-shaming is a cruel and
unhelpful trend in our culture,
yet some schools, government
programmes and TV programmes
encourage it.
Eating with awareness and
focussing on health, not weight, are
the best strategies.
Eating disorders like anorexia and
bulimia (which is far more common)