She might be nurturing by nature,
or not. Simple blank dolls or teddy
bears are enough to stimulate this side
of her, and she can make up her own
games.
Avoid toys that tell your daughter it
is all about looks and clothes. In fact,
avoid anything just aimed at girls. The
world does that quite enough already.
Doing discipline with girls, kindly
but firmly, ensures they will grow a
backbone and be able to be competent
and strong when it counts.
4. Getting along with others (5
– 10 years)
Friends are really important to girls.
Between 5 and 10 social skills are
learned, big time.
There are seven key skills:
friendliness, sharing, empathy,
controlling aggression, apologising,
reading emotions and knowing whom
to trust. She will need help to acquire
these.
She will learn by copying you too.
Each of the four emotions (anger,
fear, sorrow and joy) has a purpose to
guide her.
“Tend and befriend” is a useful skill,
but can get out of control. Sometimes
you need fight or flight.
Sport can be great, especially if
you can find the right one for your
daughter.
Understand about puberty and
prepare her well in advance – by about
the age of eight.
5. Finding her soul (10 –14
years)
The years from 10 to 14 are far more
important than most people realise –
this is not something to be skipped.
This is time of intended preparation.
We have to help girls to stay in this
place and not to rush into premature
attempts at being grown-up, for
which they are far from ready. If you
can take one lesson from this whole
article, it is that girls from 10 to 14
years of age need more, not less, of
our time, interest and availability. This
is when we ramp up our teaching,
explaining, coaching and enquiring,
and while we involve her in more
demanding activities, preparing her
to be the amazing woman she can
become.
Between 10 and 14 years a girl’s
job is to get her roots deep down into
who she is. The easiest way is to find
her spark. Plutarch said youth is not
a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be
kindled. Find your daughter’s fire and
start kindling it.
Ask the question: What gives you
the most joy, makes you feel the most
alive, gives you a sense of purpose
and excitement?
December 2013/ January 2014 •
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