5.
2. After Tamar was raped, she tore her
beautiful dress and put ash on her head. At
that moment she was accepting (because
she knew no better) that she was no
longer qualified to wear the dress that the
virgin daughters of the king wore; she was
mourning the loss of her dreams which
undoubtedly included getting married
someday. Many women like Tamar have
counted themselves out of good; they have
lost hope because of an incidence that
shattered their dreams.
3. Time will not heal the wound that has
been created in the heart of the victim.
People usually make the mistake of
thinking that time heals wounds, but the
reality is that time in and of itself does not
heal wounds, it infests and infects wounds.
It is what we do with the time that brings
healing.
What emotions do you suppose Tamar felt
as she walked away from her brother’s
house after he had raped her? Rejection,
anger, bitterness, hatred, malice, un-
forgiveness, despair, hopelessness?
Perhaps jealousy of her sisters who were
still virgins and had their lives ahead of
them? A bit of resentment? Have you had
a similar experience? What emotions
did you feel? Do you know a woman
who has had a similar experience? What
emotions did she feel? Whatever they may
be, please understand that you cannot
have meaningful relationships and live a
fulfilled life with these negative emotions.
6. After Amnon brutally raped Tamar, he
rejected her. He claimed he loved her, but
after taking her virginity, the hate he felt
for her was even greater than the love he
claimed to have for her. And he said to
her, “Arise, be gone.” He no longer wanted
her. It was over for him, but for Tamar, it
was only beginning. She would remain
desolate and never marry as she had
been rejected by the one who should have
honoured her but chose to discard her. As
Tamar was thrown out of Amnon’s house,
she became a victim of rejection. She was
broken, bruised and hopeless. And not
because she was raped but because she
was rejected. Tamar viewed Amnon’s
rejection of her as being worse than his
raping her, for she said to him, “there is
no cause: this evil in sending me away is
greater than the other that thou didst unto
me.” And so, we can safely conclude that it
was his rejection that shattered Tamar.
4. There was always help available to Tamar,
but because she didn’t see right, she
remained desolate the rest of her life. One
brother had failed her, yes, but another
brother stepped in and risked his life to
fight for her honour. One brother threw
her out of his home but another took her
into his home. One brother rejected her
in her crisis but another embraced her in
that crisis. And in it all, there was a God
who loved her and wanted to restore her.
But she saw only what she had lost. When
people go through a negative experience
it is their perspective more than anything
else that determines whether they rise
or sink with the situation. Tamar walked
away from her experience blind and
hopeless. She saw only what was lost;
therefore, she couldn’t see what was left.
Our ability to see what is left is crucial as
it energises us to rise after every fall.
7. Rejection makes the victim feel unloved
and unwanted. It is the absence of a
feeling of pure and meaningful love.
When a person is rejected, their spirit is
broken. This was the case with Tamar,
11
DOZ Magazine | April 2020