Experiencing Grief FOR THE FIRST TIME:
a useless guide for choosing love
As we all know, life does not come with instructions.
As we start growing up, most of us start getting used to the idea that certain traditionally
human experiences will eventually happen in our lives… Falling in love, having a child,
following a specific career ideal, moving to another country… So many scenarios and
preconceptions that vary from person to person.
But the truth is that the only certain thing that we all will experience, no matter who
we are, is death. Not only our own, but the one of the people we love. Who prepares for
that? Who understands that? Isn’t death the biggest mystery and taboo of life? Isn’t death
the most used buzzword?
My father died less than three months ago, and with this I realized how much we take life for
granted. Let’s face it: young/prime adulthood can be considered the healthiest time of life,
biological function and physical performance reach their peak from 20–35 years of age. We
feel invincible. We focus on the positive. We avoid feeling vulnerable. But life is wise and the
reality knocks the door, when we most need it.
There are three terms that I became very familiar with since the passing of my father:
¤ Grief involves many different emotions, actions, and expressions, all of which help the
person come to terms with the loss of a loved one. Grief doesn’t look the same for
everyone. Every loss is different.
¤ Bereavement is what a person goes through when someone close to them dies. It’s
the state of having suffered a loss.
¤ Mourning is the outward expression of loss and grief. Mourning includes rituals and
other actions that are specific to each person’s culture, personality, and religion.
Bereavement and mourning are both part of the grieving process.
love
“
This article in itself is an
oxymoron; there are no recipes
to deal with the loss of a loved
one. Hadn’t my father die, I
would have never written this
article.
Writing this article is rather egoistic because is one of the expressions of my grief, rather
than the solution to yours. Still, by sharing it all I hope is to bring you awareness. Being that
disclaimer made, the following three points have helped me made live grief as a natural,
rather than a negative feeling.
And so I talk to you like I always had
And I promise you
Someday we'll have plenty of time again
Then we'll see each other again
If you want to, you might take care of the sun shining down on my grave as well on that day
That the sun shines, that it shines again
6 | Dey Dos Magazine
– Extracted from the song ‘Only A Visit,’ originally in German by Die Toten Hosen