Denton County Living Well Magazine July/August 2018 | Page 30
THE UNSPOKEN
NEEDS OF A MAN
By Georgia Smith-Lyle, LPC-S
T
his article is for all women who are moms, girl-
friends, a wife, sister or friend to a man. Do you
have a male in your life that you want to better
understand? Most men, when asked about what
they need to feel loved or understood, will answer
something like ,“I’m pretty simple. It doesn’t take much to
make me happy.” That may be true, but my belief is they
have deep needs, wants and desires which they don’t ex-
press most of the time. They were created to be strong and
manly. The emotional component which they do have is not
easily accessible sometimes, even to themselves! My hope
in writing this article is to give you a glimpse into the heart
and mind of a man and an understanding of his needs.
When we talk about the “needs of a man” most of the
time we think of physical needs. However true this may be,
the physical needs are not the primary needs I will be ad-
dressing. At the core of
every man, there are
some genuine needs
and desires he longs for
but probably never ask
for or reveals he truly
needs them.
The way men think:
Men process differently
than women. They have
the ability to compart-
mentalize thoughts and
come back to them an-
other time. Men will
“pull away and get qui-
et” to process a thought.
They do this mainly to
allow themselves time to
gather their thoughts so when they are ready to talk, their
facts and feelings will be together and make sense. Women
might view this as rejection or give them a feeling of being
unloved, but it’s actually a man’s own need to think through
things logically. So, if the man in your life goes silent on
you, give them time and space to think. Men truly need
time and space for internal processing when thinking about
emotional issues. Men will think most everything through,
even though they do it silently. It takes a lot of energy for
a man to process his thoughts and get clarity. After all the
thinking and talking to convey his thoughts, he will need
time to “think about nothing.”
Men need respect: Interesting fact about a man’s need
for respect is that respect is more essential than your af-
fection. Unconditional respect is as important to a man as
unconditional love is for a woman. Making a choice to
show respect and vali-
date their thoughts is
very important to the
way they feel about
themselves. Respect for
his judgment and what
he accomplishes gives
him a sense of wellbe-
ing and appreciation.
Respecting him when
communicating and in
public situations is im-
portant. In public, even
telling a story about how
he couldn’t accomplish
something in a joking
way, no matter how in-
significant the task, can
be embarrassing to him.
Georgia Smith-Lyle, LPC-S is in private practice as a Licensed Professional
Counselor in the state of Texas providing counseling for children,
adolescents, adults, marriage and family. She has authored two books and
a public speaker. Georgia may be reached at 469-855-0256 or via email
[email protected]. www.couselingbygeorgia.com.
28
DENTON COUNTY Living Well Magazine | JULY/AUGUST 2018