on all four legs , and then go all Rockette upon sight of him . The graying one finds the display endearing . I get hugs and treats . This bitch does not do tricks unless she gets treats in return .
When we lived in our first home , I would be let out into the side yard while the human showered and dressed . The old house was the epicenter for multiple colonies of lizards . Being a mighty huntress and the guardian of my household , it was and remains among my responsibilities to eradicate the existence of this population . I am a determined stalker . My time in the side yard allowed for considerable honing of my predatory instincts and skills . I take considerable satisfaction with showing off my conquests , which I torture at length before taking them out of their misery . One day , after fatso had completed a long run and was in the shower , I wanted to gift my human one of my latest conquests . With the only mildly injured reptile hanging out of my chops , I popped my head in the shower . My big fat human told me to bugger off . I was rightly insulted by his behavior . I am a lady , after all . In my disgust , I lost hold of the lizard . It lunged at my human ’ s privates , as did I . The ensuing battle royal involved the fall of the human , the lizard climbing up and down the shower wall , and my darting in and out of the shower . Dogs can laugh . I did so with delight . My human was screaming like a banshee . His profanity reached a new level of offensiveness . The episode , of which I was the mastermind , was hilarious .
The human has his morning run . I have walks throughout the day . Morning , midday , afternoon , and evening walks are equally distributed across the day . Ranging from ten to twenty minutes in duration , I relish my outings . My walks are utilitarian and recreational in nature . Some days , I get long walks . As my human has run almost every day for approaching twenty-eight years , he is finally wising up that he needs to give his body breaks . Once a week , he takes me on an extra-long walk . I take on the streets of midtown and downtown Mobile with gusto . We have no set route . The residential streets of Old Dauphin Way , Leinkauf , and Oakleigh are beautiful . I like them a lot . Huge oak trees
" People and the places they inhabit are far from the only attractions of my long runs ."
and houses of all sizes and appearances provide lovely backdrops for our progress . I remember every property where my human has stopped to speak to someone . They usually admire , play with , and offer me treats . I try to trot up walks and jump onto porches so as to let them know my cute self is back ! My human reins in my lead . That bastard is trouble !
People and the places they inhabit are far from the only attractions of my long runs . Sights , sounds , and activity are in every direction , even at six o ’ clock in the morning . Birds , squirrels , dogs , and cats cause me to drag my human this way and that way . Some mornings we see opossums and raccoons . The latter intrigue me greatly . A rarer sight are the bald eagles that live in a huge nest a few blocks from the Bungalow . They are majestic creatures . I jump on all fours when I see them . Sometimes the adolescent male eagles come to our house where they perch in the branches of the big sycamore tree to the side of the house . I bark like a mad dog . They eye me . My human eyes them . There is no danger of them carrying me off , as I am a fullfigured lass . Tubs watches them all the same .
Several parks and squares pepper our route . Washington Square in Oakleigh is just a block from our old house and often along our cardio path of a given day . There is a large cast-iron sculpture of deer near which I like to relieve myself , and a big fountain that I have always wanted to take a swim in . Large putti atop dolphins ( that look more like catfish ) ring the basin of that all-too-oft-dreamed-of watering hole . Cooper Riverside Park along the Mobile River is my favorite public space . I can see lots of water there . There are steps and ramps and even more sculpture . Not only are there pigeons but also seagulls . The two species have altercations . I insert myself right in the middle of those conflicts . All birds in my sight must perish !
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